Toni Collette again

I am dissapointed again to tell everyone that I am thinking of Tony Collette again. I'm partial to her with blonde hair. I hired a new women two weeks ago and she is already kind of pushing me around. She is more aggressive than me and she doesn't mess around. I intentionally picked her because I know I had no sttraction to her. She reminded me of my first girlfriend in high school. That sounds skewed but I am really over the high school girlfriend and I instantly put all that on to this new woman. She told me she is going to go to dental college and I beleive her. She has a plan all mapped out and she is very sure of it. She will draw in the twenty to thirty year old male we need. Someone in the office will be happy.
I was asked to be on the board of directors for this wheelchair sports program and at the first meeting I could not stop talking to this young blonde quad in a wheelchair. It was instant love, lust or crush I'm not sure. She put her hand on mine when I said something funny. Her friend had her antenae up and felt the vibe and did not look at me nice. I mentioned my kids and wife for protection but I don't think it worked. She is not after me and I played it straight. She is in graduate school and I am going to get her a job without her knowing it. She wants to meet Mitch Daniels the governer and I am going to arrange that too. I will do it all discreetly. It's just a crush. I will approach it simply for the pleasure of being around her. I love the movie Other Side of the Mountain. It is on my all time list. That movie is one of the cornerstones of my life. I'm not sure if it the root of my Tao or my mantra. She does that little bit of spit thing when she talks that makes me crazy. It's the same old she is my wife replica thing. As I have stated in the past I always get this way and realize later the only attraction is that they share some resemblance to my wife.
I am going to eat phillie cream cheese rolled in slices of chipped beef for lunch. It used to be salami but that is too greasy for a healthy person like me. I would not hear the end of it from the women in the office. God forbid the cash cow keels over. They only nurture me enough to keep me alive. They might care more than that but maybe not. They are starting to wish I would bring in my ukelelee and sing some songs in the office. The winter time is wearing them down. Some of the regualrs are complaining and asking behind my back if something bad is going on in my life. They don't want me to be depressed. They tell them I am simply throwing a stubborn temper tantrum. They jibed me yesterday about how I should auditin for American Idol. Than they hurt my feelings telling me I would be on the outtakes. They are mean.

My mind is tired

What makes it tick? Thinking and watching everything move around me I can gain no perspective on exactly what it is? What is moving around me? There are less and less things that I have any interest in or create good or bad feelings. It is some time of so little interest I wonder when will it be done? When can I get out of it? It is a lot of it. It is a giant cauldron of mush neither warm or cold but luke warm soapy water that I want out of. There is a change coming but it is only a small incremental change. I feel all the vibes coming off of people and it is a burden. I know what they are feeling. The thing that interests me is wrong and built on some deluded thought that I can only flash a thought of for fear of falling into it's trap. It is easy to avoid in reality but very luring in my imagination. I know for some reason I can do anything that I will at any time. My personality has that will. Then I know that I have crushed and loved many people that were not worth any effort. She is a replica of my wife and I realize that. I am attracted to her because she has all the things that attracted me to my wife. I look through her with my eyes and her glance back was not the glance of rejection I needed to see. It was a subtley provocative I know you are looking. It can't move past the glance because in all truth I can only really love my true love. Her mirror that is a delusion isn't anything near her image when the light is turned up. I write obtruse because there are things that I can't tell about it. I haven't done anything wrong or even thought it. I tlaked to my wife and she rolled over an ignored me. I ran my fingers through her hair and slightly pulled her hair undoing a tangle the way she likes it but she ignored me. I did the dishes helped her take off her socks but she ignored me. She laughed and spoke lively with her girlfriend on the phone but she ignored me. She was tired and burdened for me. My clothes never move form the basket and they stay unfolded. There is no care as to what I wear and very little attention to how I look. I strain under this invisibility, but I will never mention it or walk away form it. It is just my life. It is not a burden or more than simply my life. I will live with my choice and it has nothing to do with fear, disliking or hating. I will play my hand tight to the end. I won't win because I will never go all in and than again never entirely loose because I will always be in the game. No one is keeping score. I feel as if I could never make anyone happy anyway. They all want what they want. In the end they will always cut me loose to move themselves ahead. I am probably wrong because the only one who would stand by me would be my wife. She also plays a very tight hand and never goes all in and will always be in the game when she wants to be in. So in the end it all comes down to mundane same old. It's just another day.

Blog on this one

I am starting to beleive that I am only talking to myself on this blogger site. That is o.k. because for me blogging has medicinal and curative benefits. There are alot of stresses in life and this is the one moment when all that can be discussed or forgotten for a few moments. Right now I feel over stimulated with human contact. It is coming from too many angles and at too high a pitch. It is not unpleasant problems but alot of people trying to get at me. People are telling me their problems and asking my advice. Than on top of that they are using my suggestions which is new and scary also. My hair is more grayer and I am a little more approachable or I look like someone who knows something. I don't know.

I'm back!!!!!

I have been busy,stressed and as usual pushed around by the girls in the office. My wife has weirded out on me lately. That means we have been in a funk and I need a cigarette. (although I don't smoke) I bought my electric guitar and have had to compromise and wear headphones while playing instead of the amp. Trixie has been in a funk. She has lost her Pollyanna mojo. We have always been able to see the silver lining in the worst of situations and she is for no suppossed reason funked. It might be the recent election, our seven year old voting for Bush at school or her lack of amusement at my recent vasectomy. I was sure that would make her laugh or at least giggle. I have done nothing wrong by the way. I have been walking a tight line. We went to Cape Canaveral or Cocoa Beach last week and it was nice. We walked down to the secluded empty beach and i gave her a really good kiss and all my normal suave moves and she told me my breath smelled. That was a deal breaker. I gently felt internally pissed but said nothing. Than she said her stomach was squeezy. Very romantic... It was not a pleasant moment and ruined the remainder of the trip. My inlaws went with us and all that was good. I am restraining myself. If it goes on much longer I will have to go to my consultants at work for advice. That is the last option but I need suggestions. Maybe testosterone shots for her or whatever get's women's engines refired up. If taking the kids to school, eating dinners I cook and watching her cleaning girl has exhausted her I can understand. That sounds like I am complaining. I am going to ignore it which is the wrong approach but it is not something I want to deal with now. Life is difficult and even my battery is on zero right now for some reason. Eugenia has a strong antennae and she has sensed my discombubalation. She actually asked me to sing my favorite little alligator song and I did not have it in me. I sing it to my kids. "Cocoa butter, Alligator, You look good, chomp chomp bite bite you sure taste good." The next verse you substitute in shark or lion and my kids think its funny. She told me with a pat on the shoulder that I was a good boss. That was a little pick me uppish. My son who is four made me happy by counting from ten backward including the zero. He is a genius. This is one of the many things that happen. My sales man friend wants to shock her back into her mojo by verbally intervening and letting her know she is being a expletive. Remember he is divorced and anti women. This blog has miraculously cheered me up. I am taking a big breath and I feel good. Trixie needs her own blog!! Women have been blogging with each other since the stone ages. I am jealous when women tell each other everything and they work things out by talking aobut things. Guys can't do that sort of thing. It is nice to get it out to another person and that other person tells you you are not crazy.
I have been waiting for Caroline to pinch me and tell me to snap out of it. Quit being a baby. She will tell me it is impacting the 25 to 30 year old males we need to be bringing in. The real solution is a buxom bend down and show some cleavage kind of person in the office. We have the cute women thing covered but not I have to go in there to see them again types. I think all the cosmetic guys get those women.
I am going to get back to regular blogging and sleep walk through my life. More whistling too. I will keep you filled in. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch and two hard boiled eggs with a very small shake of salt. My brains says coat it with salt but I somehow keep myself in check. Keep the blog blogging.

100 Billion reasons to oust Bush!!!

I am unable to understand how anyone can still support anything President Bush says he will do. I will start by explkaining why the current war in Iraq was an incredibly stupid blunder. If Saddam Hussein was a terrorist or going to use chemical weapons he would have used them during the first gulf war. In the last ten years Hussein has not committed any terrorist acts against the U.S. or during the current war. Even now Iragi's have not committed a terrorist act on american soil. On Sept 11th there was no Iraqi's out of all the middle east terrorists. If Saddam Hussein had nuclear weapons wouldn't he have used them during the gulf war? All the real terrorists are in Afghanastan and we transfered all our energies to Iraq. Osama Bin Laden
is still held up there according to speculation.
Why should we spend 100 billion dollars and even worse yet sacrifice one american life to supposedly free the Iragi people? We trusted the president and he bold faced lied about the facts and his reasons for war. The world is safer because of the war in Afghanastan but now that is decreased by all the terrorists we are creating in Iraq. If you remember we decided to declare our own independence and then the French helped us. President Bush decided that Iraq was bad and we needed to eliminate Saddam Hussein. Obviously the fact that all our allies did not want to participate in removing Saddam Hussein shows that they did not beleive it was a legitimate thing to do.
Of course any discussion is moot. People are entrenched and no logical fact could change their mind. The real fear is that without the need to be reelected Bush does all kinds of other crazy from the gut things.

Blog Me

I am loosing my blog steam. Of course than I tell myself that this blog is for me and only me. It is an excercise in cleansing the brain and freeing of my mind. Yeah yeah yeah.. I'm a rock head who isn't much in touch with yoga, incense or that aroma therapy type of stuff.
Nothing exciting has been happenning. On the other hand every one has been especially nice to me lately. Maybe something is going on? Maybe there is a conspiracy going on to make me think everything is alright but it is not alright!! I may not be aware that I am being snuck up on from all sides. It may only be the drudgery of summer beating down on me and making me drudged out.
I will get back into focus and renew my blogger work ethic soon.

Hu dey think gonna blog my Bengals?

Well I spent the weekend in Cinti. It is exhausting hanging out with my parents. I took them house shopping and started the ball rolling for them to sell their own house and land. They have been hem hauling for a long time and it has become irritating. The next irritation is that my mother keeps wanting to look at gigantic houses she cannot keep clean or possibly use all the extra room. She is tied up in her image and lives for people to ogle over her wealth. Then she complains every day that she cannot keep up with the house she has now. We will see where it goes. I hyave extracted myself from it by writing out exactly what my father should do. The good news is that I ate all the salty, fattening food I am not allowed to eat at home. We drank three half gallons of Trauth butter milk which is the greatest. We drank some twelve dollar a bottle Pinot Noir and then some Merlot. Then we ate desert with some Siray. It broke every rule to drink red wine with fried chicken but I beleive you should drink what you enjoy. I woke up at five o'clock this morning and went to my meeting that started at six o'clock Indiana time. I am tired. My wife is sick to her stomach and my kids are grumpy tired. I am going to change my clothes and loiter on the couch with multiple glasses of Shirah. My salesman buddy is coming over to hang out. One of the houses we saw had a card table to die for. I am going to call two more of my friends and start up a card game. We did it for a long time and we faded. We will play for chips with every one throwing twenty dollars in the pot chip winner takes fifty dollars second place takes thirty.
I played my nephews electric guitar and we laughed till we were going to vomit. My sister is hillarious and she would not stop goofing off. I was showing my nephew how to play Tip Toe Through the Tulips and it started her into a very funny jag. I also played Feelings and they love my vocal rendition. My neices boyfriend Joey is in a band that plays some weird music. He plays the drum and he wanted me to come to practice with him and play. He assured me I would have a good time. I was on such a tight schedule it wouldn't work out. He is extremely interesting to talk to and I would like my neice to marry him. He is the one with the drop dead gorgeous thirteen year old sister.
I stopped in the office when I came home and everyone looked at me like I am not allowed to stop by on my day off. Wait, it wasn't a day off, I was at a training meeting that is work. I am going to buy a Taylor e14 acoustic electric guitar and a straight up electric guitar to be named later. I have embezzled $379.00 and I am going to buy it.

ANNOY A CONSERVATIVE,CARE ABOUT SOMEONE BESIDES YOURSELF AND MONEY!!!

I am getting into full political fervor and I am about to start getting fired up. I cannot see one decent or honest thing that President Bush has done since entering office. I appreciated the check he sent me to buy my vote. It wasn't enough for me to sell my soul or get my vote. It is ironic to me that a party that says it represents religion to be so open to using violence and war to solve problems rather than the peace Jesus preached about. Of course I know nothing about God because I don't go to Pat Robinson's or Jerry Fallwell's church. I go to one of those churches that only prays for God's forgiveness for my sins rather than to save the earth from the meteor that is going to hit us any time soon.I didn't know that God was about so much doom. That's the people controlling our government at this time. They may look good on the surface but they are determined to make all of us conform to their beliefs which are the only right beliefs. I would much rather have a president that lies about sex than one who lies about something that has killed close to a thousand eighteen year olds. He is right and no one else knows anything. The French are stupid and everyone else who won't do what we say are not smart enough to understand our level of intelligence.
I cannot go on that tirade much longer it only get's me angry for no reason. My widfe has made me angry this morning. I started painting our large bathroom and she wants to knoiw when I am going to get it done. I am only working evryday and trying to do other things tha have to be done. It is not the subject matter more the way she said it that made me angry. She could have patted me on the butt and said something nice and sequede into getting the room done. The way she said it left me feeling she was insinuating I was not busy doing other things. I try and remind her that I can only work so much every day. So I end up getting very angry and it will happen over and over again. I am going to ignore her for a while and let it go. I am going to shut down on it for a while.
The women in the office are to the breaking point on my serious demeanor. It is driving them nut and they are not having any fun. Katherine tells me I am being imature and stubborn. I am. The scary part is that I am no longer having to control myself from singing when my favorite sing along songs come on. It is still difficult to not whistle, I am an unconscious whistler. I have always been a nervous whistler that is not neccessarily doing it because I am happy. That is a misconception about whistling. The new person doesn't know the difference so she is the only one who doesn't understand everyone's displeasure with my serious demeanor. It is getting old quick but I will persevere.
I am going to a meeting in Cincinatti on Monday so it will be a little bit of loitering which I could use. I am going to stay at my parents and be on my own so I can have some fun. My family and some friends are going to Kings Island on Saturday and tha should be fun. I am over amusement parks. I am too old for them. My logic tells me I won't die on the roller coasters so there is nothing to fear. My wife and kids will ride the Teddy Bear kids roller coaster sixteen times and seeing them will be fun. We are going to have a fun time. I will also be seeing my mother in law and father in law. They are both very good and help us alot. There is tension between my wife and her mother because they are both so dominating oif everything. They do not realize that they are so similar that it is scary. My father and law and I are very similar also
In demeanor. We are easy going and put up mutually with all of our wives dominating forces. My parents will be on their usual schitzophrenic bombast. If Kerry is elected it will be the first sign of the end times, ect. Everything is a sign of the end times. There have been signs the end times since 1989. I'm not sure what was supposed to happen of a religous nature during the Y2K deal but they were ready for that. They are still eating spam and have a wood burning stove in their barn, a big $2000.00 oven and a giant tank of deisel fuel. I'm not kidding either. My dad has an arsenal of guns in his closet also an ak47, shotguns, pistols and an M16. He probably has some grenades in there too. That's how that good christian thinking goes. It is only the sign that they have not gotten God's message clear in their heads yet. They only hear eye for and eye instead of turn the other cheek and let it be slapped. They also missed the forgive your brother 7 times 7 times 7 times and then 7 more. I am eating a butterball turkey sandwich on lite rye bread with a tomato and mayonaise. It's good. I am washing it down with some sun tea hand made by our new employee. She also made a bunch of celery with philladelphia cream cheese- she has scored high with me. She has been talking about a very expensive acoustic guitar she still has from her ex husband.