Dul Binson

Toni Collette again

2005-02-02T20:59:00.000-08:00

I am dissapointed again to tell everyone that I am thinking of Tony Collette again. I'm partial to her with blonde hair. I hired a new women two weeks ago and she is already kind of pushing me around. She is more aggressive than me and she doesn't mess around. I intentionally picked her because I know I had no sttraction to her. She reminded me of my first girlfriend in high school. That sounds skewed but I am really over the high school girlfriend and I instantly put all that on to this new woman. She told me she is going to go to dental college and I beleive her. She has a plan all mapped out and she is very sure of it. She will draw in the twenty to thirty year old male we need. Someone in the office will be happy.
I was asked to be on the board of directors for this wheelchair sports program and at the first meeting I could not stop talking to this young blonde quad in a wheelchair. It was instant love, lust or crush I'm not sure. She put her hand on mine when I said something funny. Her friend had her antenae up and felt the vibe and did not look at me nice. I mentioned my kids and wife for protection but I don't think it worked. She is not after me and I played it straight. She is in graduate school and I am going to get her a job without her knowing it. She wants to meet Mitch Daniels the governer and I am going to arrange that too. I will do it all discreetly. It's just a crush. I will approach it simply for the pleasure of being around her. I love the movie Other Side of the Mountain. It is on my all time list. That movie is one of the cornerstones of my life. I'm not sure if it the root of my Tao or my mantra. She does that little bit of spit thing when she talks that makes me crazy. It's the same old she is my wife replica thing. As I have stated in the past I always get this way and realize later the only attraction is that they share some resemblance to my wife.
I am going to eat phillie cream cheese rolled in slices of chipped beef for lunch. It used to be salami but that is too greasy for a healthy person like me. I would not hear the end of it from the women in the office. God forbid the cash cow keels over. They only nurture me enough to keep me alive. They might care more than that but maybe not. They are starting to wish I would bring in my ukelelee and sing some songs in the office. The winter time is wearing them down. Some of the regualrs are complaining and asking behind my back if something bad is going on in my life. They don't want me to be depressed. They tell them I am simply throwing a stubborn temper tantrum. They jibed me yesterday about how I should auditin for American Idol. Than they hurt my feelings telling me I would be on the outtakes. They are mean.

My mind is tired

2005-02-02T20:31:00.000-08:00

What makes it tick? Thinking and watching everything move around me I can gain no perspective on exactly what it is? What is moving around me? There are less and less things that I have any interest in or create good or bad feelings. It is some time of so little interest I wonder when will it be done? When can I get out of it? It is a lot of it. It is a giant cauldron of mush neither warm or cold but luke warm soapy water that I want out of. There is a change coming but it is only a small incremental change. I feel all the vibes coming off of people and it is a burden. I know what they are feeling. The thing that interests me is wrong and built on some deluded thought that I can only flash a thought of for fear of falling into it's trap. It is easy to avoid in reality but very luring in my imagination. I know for some reason I can do anything that I will at any time. My personality has that will. Then I know that I have crushed and loved many people that were not worth any effort. She is a replica of my wife and I realize that. I am attracted to her because she has all the things that attracted me to my wife. I look through her with my eyes and her glance back was not the glance of rejection I needed to see. It was a subtley provocative I know you are looking. It can't move past the glance because in all truth I can only really love my true love. Her mirror that is a delusion isn't anything near her image when the light is turned up. I write obtruse because there are things that I can't tell about it. I haven't done anything wrong or even thought it. I tlaked to my wife and she rolled over an ignored me. I ran my fingers through her hair and slightly pulled her hair undoing a tangle the way she likes it but she ignored me. I did the dishes helped her take off her socks but she ignored me. She laughed and spoke lively with her girlfriend on the phone but she ignored me. She was tired and burdened for me. My clothes never move form the basket and they stay unfolded. There is no care as to what I wear and very little attention to how I look. I strain under this invisibility, but I will never mention it or walk away form it. It is just my life. It is not a burden or more than simply my life. I will live with my choice and it has nothing to do with fear, disliking or hating. I will play my hand tight to the end. I won't win because I will never go all in and than again never entirely loose because I will always be in the game. No one is keeping score. I feel as if I could never make anyone happy anyway. They all want what they want. In the end they will always cut me loose to move themselves ahead. I am probably wrong because the only one who would stand by me would be my wife. She also plays a very tight hand and never goes all in and will always be in the game when she wants to be in. So in the end it all comes down to mundane same old. It's just another day.

Blog on this one

2004-11-18T09:57:00.000-08:00

I am starting to beleive that I am only talking to myself on this blogger site. That is o.k. because for me blogging has medicinal and curative benefits. There are alot of stresses in life and this is the one moment when all that can be discussed or forgotten for a few moments. Right now I feel over stimulated with human contact. It is coming from too many angles and at too high a pitch. It is not unpleasant problems but alot of people trying to get at me. People are telling me their problems and asking my advice. Than on top of that they are using my suggestions which is new and scary also. My hair is more grayer and I am a little more approachable or I look like someone who knows something. I don't know.

I'm back!!!!!

2004-11-11T19:33:00.000-08:00

I have been busy,stressed and as usual pushed around by the girls in the office. My wife has weirded out on me lately. That means we have been in a funk and I need a cigarette. (although I don't smoke) I bought my electric guitar and have had to compromise and wear headphones while playing instead of the amp. Trixie has been in a funk. She has lost her Pollyanna mojo. We have always been able to see the silver lining in the worst of situations and she is for no suppossed reason funked. It might be the recent election, our seven year old voting for Bush at school or her lack of amusement at my recent vasectomy. I was sure that would make her laugh or at least giggle. I have done nothing wrong by the way. I have been walking a tight line. We went to Cape Canaveral or Cocoa Beach last week and it was nice. We walked down to the secluded empty beach and i gave her a really good kiss and all my normal suave moves and she told me my breath smelled. That was a deal breaker. I gently felt internally pissed but said nothing. Than she said her stomach was squeezy. Very romantic... It was not a pleasant moment and ruined the remainder of the trip. My inlaws went with us and all that was good. I am restraining myself. If it goes on much longer I will have to go to my consultants at work for advice. That is the last option but I need suggestions. Maybe testosterone shots for her or whatever get's women's engines refired up. If taking the kids to school, eating dinners I cook and watching her cleaning girl has exhausted her I can understand. That sounds like I am complaining. I am going to ignore it which is the wrong approach but it is not something I want to deal with now. Life is difficult and even my battery is on zero right now for some reason. Eugenia has a strong antennae and she has sensed my discombubalation. She actually asked me to sing my favorite little alligator song and I did not have it in me. I sing it to my kids. "Cocoa butter, Alligator, You look good, chomp chomp bite bite you sure taste good." The next verse you substitute in shark or lion and my kids think its funny. She told me with a pat on the shoulder that I was a good boss. That was a little pick me uppish. My son who is four made me happy by counting from ten backward including the zero. He is a genius. This is one of the many things that happen. My sales man friend wants to shock her back into her mojo by verbally intervening and letting her know she is being a expletive. Remember he is divorced and anti women. This blog has miraculously cheered me up. I am taking a big breath and I feel good. Trixie needs her own blog!! Women have been blogging with each other since the stone ages. I am jealous when women tell each other everything and they work things out by talking aobut things. Guys can't do that sort of thing. It is nice to get it out to another person and that other person tells you you are not crazy.
I have been waiting for Caroline to pinch me and tell me to snap out of it. Quit being a baby. She will tell me it is impacting the 25 to 30 year old males we need to be bringing in. The real solution is a buxom bend down and show some cleavage kind of person in the office. We have the cute women thing covered but not I have to go in there to see them again types. I think all the cosmetic guys get those women.
I am going to get back to regular blogging and sleep walk through my life. More whistling too. I will keep you filled in. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch and two hard boiled eggs with a very small shake of salt. My brains says coat it with salt but I somehow keep myself in check. Keep the blog blogging.

100 Billion reasons to oust Bush!!!

2004-09-30T07:51:00.000-07:00

I am unable to understand how anyone can still support anything President Bush says he will do. I will start by explkaining why the current war in Iraq was an incredibly stupid blunder. If Saddam Hussein was a terrorist or going to use chemical weapons he would have used them during the first gulf war. In the last ten years Hussein has not committed any terrorist acts against the U.S. or during the current war. Even now Iragi's have not committed a terrorist act on american soil. On Sept 11th there was no Iraqi's out of all the middle east terrorists. If Saddam Hussein had nuclear weapons wouldn't he have used them during the gulf war? All the real terrorists are in Afghanastan and we transfered all our energies to Iraq. Osama Bin Laden
is still held up there according to speculation.
Why should we spend 100 billion dollars and even worse yet sacrifice one american life to supposedly free the Iragi people? We trusted the president and he bold faced lied about the facts and his reasons for war. The world is safer because of the war in Afghanastan but now that is decreased by all the terrorists we are creating in Iraq. If you remember we decided to declare our own independence and then the French helped us. President Bush decided that Iraq was bad and we needed to eliminate Saddam Hussein. Obviously the fact that all our allies did not want to participate in removing Saddam Hussein shows that they did not beleive it was a legitimate thing to do.
Of course any discussion is moot. People are entrenched and no logical fact could change their mind. The real fear is that without the need to be reelected Bush does all kinds of other crazy from the gut things.

Blog Me

2004-08-30T07:27:00.000-07:00

I am loosing my blog steam. Of course than I tell myself that this blog is for me and only me. It is an excercise in cleansing the brain and freeing of my mind. Yeah yeah yeah.. I'm a rock head who isn't much in touch with yoga, incense or that aroma therapy type of stuff.
Nothing exciting has been happenning. On the other hand every one has been especially nice to me lately. Maybe something is going on? Maybe there is a conspiracy going on to make me think everything is alright but it is not alright!! I may not be aware that I am being snuck up on from all sides. It may only be the drudgery of summer beating down on me and making me drudged out.
I will get back into focus and renew my blogger work ethic soon.

Hu dey think gonna blog my Bengals?

2004-08-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

Well I spent the weekend in Cinti. It is exhausting hanging out with my parents. I took them house shopping and started the ball rolling for them to sell their own house and land. They have been hem hauling for a long time and it has become irritating. The next irritation is that my mother keeps wanting to look at gigantic houses she cannot keep clean or possibly use all the extra room. She is tied up in her image and lives for people to ogle over her wealth. Then she complains every day that she cannot keep up with the house she has now. We will see where it goes. I hyave extracted myself from it by writing out exactly what my father should do. The good news is that I ate all the salty, fattening food I am not allowed to eat at home. We drank three half gallons of Trauth butter milk which is the greatest. We drank some twelve dollar a bottle Pinot Noir and then some Merlot. Then we ate desert with some Siray. It broke every rule to drink red wine with fried chicken but I beleive you should drink what you enjoy. I woke up at five o'clock this morning and went to my meeting that started at six o'clock Indiana time. I am tired. My wife is sick to her stomach and my kids are grumpy tired. I am going to change my clothes and loiter on the couch with multiple glasses of Shirah. My salesman buddy is coming over to hang out. One of the houses we saw had a card table to die for. I am going to call two more of my friends and start up a card game. We did it for a long time and we faded. We will play for chips with every one throwing twenty dollars in the pot chip winner takes fifty dollars second place takes thirty.
I played my nephews electric guitar and we laughed till we were going to vomit. My sister is hillarious and she would not stop goofing off. I was showing my nephew how to play Tip Toe Through the Tulips and it started her into a very funny jag. I also played Feelings and they love my vocal rendition. My neices boyfriend Joey is in a band that plays some weird music. He plays the drum and he wanted me to come to practice with him and play. He assured me I would have a good time. I was on such a tight schedule it wouldn't work out. He is extremely interesting to talk to and I would like my neice to marry him. He is the one with the drop dead gorgeous thirteen year old sister.
I stopped in the office when I came home and everyone looked at me like I am not allowed to stop by on my day off. Wait, it wasn't a day off, I was at a training meeting that is work. I am going to buy a Taylor e14 acoustic electric guitar and a straight up electric guitar to be named later. I have embezzled $379.00 and I am going to buy it.

ANNOY A CONSERVATIVE,CARE ABOUT SOMEONE BESIDES YOURSELF AND MONEY!!!

2004-08-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

I am getting into full political fervor and I am about to start getting fired up. I cannot see one decent or honest thing that President Bush has done since entering office. I appreciated the check he sent me to buy my vote. It wasn't enough for me to sell my soul or get my vote. It is ironic to me that a party that says it represents religion to be so open to using violence and war to solve problems rather than the peace Jesus preached about. Of course I know nothing about God because I don't go to Pat Robinson's or Jerry Fallwell's church. I go to one of those churches that only prays for God's forgiveness for my sins rather than to save the earth from the meteor that is going to hit us any time soon.I didn't know that God was about so much doom. That's the people controlling our government at this time. They may look good on the surface but they are determined to make all of us conform to their beliefs which are the only right beliefs. I would much rather have a president that lies about sex than one who lies about something that has killed close to a thousand eighteen year olds. He is right and no one else knows anything. The French are stupid and everyone else who won't do what we say are not smart enough to understand our level of intelligence.
I cannot go on that tirade much longer it only get's me angry for no reason. My widfe has made me angry this morning. I started painting our large bathroom and she wants to knoiw when I am going to get it done. I am only working evryday and trying to do other things tha have to be done. It is not the subject matter more the way she said it that made me angry. She could have patted me on the butt and said something nice and sequede into getting the room done. The way she said it left me feeling she was insinuating I was not busy doing other things. I try and remind her that I can only work so much every day. So I end up getting very angry and it will happen over and over again. I am going to ignore her for a while and let it go. I am going to shut down on it for a while.
The women in the office are to the breaking point on my serious demeanor. It is driving them nut and they are not having any fun. Katherine tells me I am being imature and stubborn. I am. The scary part is that I am no longer having to control myself from singing when my favorite sing along songs come on. It is still difficult to not whistle, I am an unconscious whistler. I have always been a nervous whistler that is not neccessarily doing it because I am happy. That is a misconception about whistling. The new person doesn't know the difference so she is the only one who doesn't understand everyone's displeasure with my serious demeanor. It is getting old quick but I will persevere.
I am going to a meeting in Cincinatti on Monday so it will be a little bit of loitering which I could use. I am going to stay at my parents and be on my own so I can have some fun. My family and some friends are going to Kings Island on Saturday and tha should be fun. I am over amusement parks. I am too old for them. My logic tells me I won't die on the roller coasters so there is nothing to fear. My wife and kids will ride the Teddy Bear kids roller coaster sixteen times and seeing them will be fun. We are going to have a fun time. I will also be seeing my mother in law and father in law. They are both very good and help us alot. There is tension between my wife and her mother because they are both so dominating oif everything. They do not realize that they are so similar that it is scary. My father and law and I are very similar also
In demeanor. We are easy going and put up mutually with all of our wives dominating forces. My parents will be on their usual schitzophrenic bombast. If Kerry is elected it will be the first sign of the end times, ect. Everything is a sign of the end times. There have been signs the end times since 1989. I'm not sure what was supposed to happen of a religous nature during the Y2K deal but they were ready for that. They are still eating spam and have a wood burning stove in their barn, a big $2000.00 oven and a giant tank of deisel fuel. I'm not kidding either. My dad has an arsenal of guns in his closet also an ak47, shotguns, pistols and an M16. He probably has some grenades in there too. That's how that good christian thinking goes. It is only the sign that they have not gotten God's message clear in their heads yet. They only hear eye for and eye instead of turn the other cheek and let it be slapped. They also missed the forgive your brother 7 times 7 times 7 times and then 7 more. I am eating a butterball turkey sandwich on lite rye bread with a tomato and mayonaise. It's good. I am washing it down with some sun tea hand made by our new employee. She also made a bunch of celery with philladelphia cream cheese- she has scored high with me. She has been talking about a very expensive acoustic guitar she still has from her ex husband.

New Career?

2004-08-12T09:44:00.000-07:00

While doing my episode of While You Were Out when my family left to go to Massachusetts
I painted three large modern art murals and put them up on the wall. Since that time to may astonsihment people have sincerely liked them. They have liked them so much that I have sold six of them for $150.00 each. Free electric guitar is what I see. I say free because the paint cost eight or nine dollars and I p[ainted them on Luan plywood which is $7.99 for a 4 x 8 sheet. I used leftover house paint and spray paint and spent about an hour on each painting. I would have done them for free but Trixie would not hear of it and brokered the deals. The true test will be if I get more calls because of these six paintings. I have always been an elaborate doodeler? using colered pencils and markers. It is something I always found relaxing. Get the price up and I can quit my day job.
I am suffering form iron poor blood. I can't get myself moving and this cold weather in August is making my blood mollaises. I watched Cold Mountain and The Window. The Window was good because Johnnie Depp know how to act. He does things that make it impossible for you to not watch him. I feel the same way about Marlon Brando and his old westerns especially. If he was shot in the hand or hit in the head it was there for eht rest of the movie. Cold mountain was all over the place. They skanked up one of my favorite actreesses, Rene Zellweger, while at no time did Kidman look that down even when she was suppossed to be going crazy. War scenes were good but it was too jobbled up. The ending was lazy in my mind also. The sex scene didn't look like two kids having sex for the first time in their lives either. I can't get comfortable in a bed and they are in an old indian hut that looks like a bachelor pad. It's a movie and I won't hold it too much to reality. Johnny Dep would have been shivering as he did Kidman. I am being overly critical and expecting too much.
I saw a bumper sticker on a car yesterday, "Annoy a Liberal, work hard". I have my own bumper sticker "Annoy a Conservative, Care about someone besides yourself and money".

Yo yo bloggin mama

2004-08-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

My hair is getting gray and suddenly people are coming to me to be their sage. When did this happen? I am feeling a change in how people once ignored me or could care less about what I thought. Now they ask me all kinds of advice or what I think about something or what they should do. It has recently shifted and it is interesting. I have an opinion on everything and a strategy to go about everything also. It is also weird. Maybe I am becoming venerated.
I have not sat down and loitered for a month or two and my wife is insinuating that I am not doing everything I can. It is annoying and I beleive she is missing something in her thinking. I took my kids to a minor league baseball game last night right after coming home form work and painting a wall in our bathroom. The baseball game was more like work because my kids require constant attention and cannot sit still very long. If they don't have to pee it's let's go see the team mascott. My wife counts watching the kids as work. We had a good time. I was only able to watch one quarter of the MOnday nite football game because my wife needed my help getting the kids to bed. On top of everything else she has been endlessly horny all week demandiing orgasm on top of orgasm from me. It can become monotonous. If it is all done right it is one more area where a guy get's the short end of the stick. Women can have hundreds of orgasms while guys have to fight through the whole process to not orgasm one meassly time. My wife kept me up all night and now I am cranky and tired. It was enjoyable but tiring. I liked it mostly because it was not I owe you one sex or it's been a while I better take care of you. It has been I need you right now I'm so hot for you activity. If we can go for two more days it would be a marital record and I will be checking to make sure I am not dead or in an alternative dimension of reality. Of course this would fall under the heading of complaining no matter what happens and she cannot win. As a Libra I look for balance in all aspects of my life. The balance when it comes to sex would be once a day four or five days a week any time during the day. I have been waiting for my wife to really ask for another person to be involved so I can tag them when I need relief. How about Hulk Hogan standing in the corner and I can crawl over and reach as far as I can and he would jump in and do a pile driver or a sleeper hold so I can get some sleep. I am visualizing this and it is pretty funny. In reality it is not going to happen because it is beyond my real level of experimentation. I guess my wife is saying she cannot win right now.
Today is Ralley's day for lunch fourty nine cent hamburgers and hotdogs. I will also have a large curly fry and a diet coke. Life is sweet. I am going to watch Hellboy tonite if my wife can keep her hands off me. If not Hellboy can wait. I have bought a bottle of Siraz 2001 at $6.99 for 1.5 liters a bottle. It's a hefty price but only the best for me. I drink it out of a little Ball jar like Marlon Brando in The Freshmen and it is relaxing. It's an incredible buzz that I did not know anyuthing about until recently. No more turning down invitations to wine tasting parties.

Blog this

2004-08-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

Katherine's mother's funeral was non eventful. I met all the family and Lynne was appropraitly occupied. My wife thinks she is cute and suggested a threesome. That was for Eunicia. My wife thinks she is very attractive and thinks she is fatal attraction material. Because we have been married so long or simply compatible we think and say very similar things. Leslie thinks she must have some personality flaw that makes her still single and available. As for the threesome that's way too complicated and I already am doing all the work. So you have a perspective on Katherine after the funeral she stopped by the office to make sure some paperwork got out. She is an iron fisted business goddess. She comes in handy for me who has no interest in all that type of thing putting it nicely.
I have never been to a funeral that I did not think why do we do this? I know it's so we all can come to grips with our loved ones or friends being dead. You see it with your own eyes like doubting Thomas. My family is Greek and my great uncle Nick passed away. At the Greek Orthodox church the casket is open at the funeral. I have six great aunts who are all emotional wrecks. They are even more than their normal emotional wrecks at uncle Nick's funeral. During the service Uncle Nick's eye popped open and my aunt Margaret stood up and had a seizure about uncle Nick not being dead. All the sisters joined her in the nuttiness. The undertaker walked up and closed the eyes and assured my aunts that he was dead. It was very funny. More ouzo than usual was drunk that night at the wake. Greek wakes are great too. All the pictures are draped in black and at the start everyone is very solemn. Then the priest comes and blesses the house all the black drapes are removed and the party starts.
I sat up in bed that night praying that Uncle Nick would appear in my room as a ghost. He never showed. I wasn't very close to him because I was too little. I don't believe in ghosts and if they are out there they have never made anything known to me. Trixie is all into John Edwards the psychic. I won't get intop that because Trixie has been nice to me lately and I don't want to piss her off if she reads this.
My only concern about death is that I will have to live to be 103 or very old. I want to get done and go to heaven. I want to help my kids and all and I will miss them but I don't want to drag this out. I don't like thinking about Trixie going before me but it would be the best way for things to fall out. I am pretty sure she will not outlast me.
I have several complainers on my hands right now. I have done everything I can to appease these people. I can only think the problem is in their heads. I am ready to send them to someone else so they can see if I am missing something. People can be unreasonable. I am waiting for one of the local channels to burst in. They are both gratingly irritating and ignorant. I say ignorant because the women in the office are all in agreement with my assessment of the situation. One of them wrote me a letter and misspelled about twelve words out of forty. "If you is" is not proper english. I will turn them over to Katherine when she gets back and she will put them straight. She has a way of making the point to these type of people that I cannot get through to. It all can't be roses.
I am going to have a tomato, mayonnaise and cheese sandwich on white bread today. Elise cleaned and cut up four carrots for me. Half of the carrots went into the sink because it was too exciting to stop cleaning them.
Elise is getting a big doses of estrogen or something. She is crying about everything and all emotional about how her girlfriends are excluding her. I will consult with the crew to see if any of them have experienced this with their daughters. Maybe it is seven year olds. Unfortunately her teeth are coming in crummy. Paul's teeth look good. He is named after Paul from the bible. He is my favorite person in the bible. He clears up many of my questions about God. First of all Paul started out as Saul who was a Pahrisses after the crucification of Jesus. He went around stoning and killing christians. What this shows is that God can forgive anyone if they repent. He is a mass murderer and finding God can change you. He's not a big theoretical thinker he was involved in all the petty squabbles of the early church. He did the grunt work after all the big mairacles were fading in peoplew minds and everyone was all over the place. There are many things to like about Paul.

We give glory past their due

2004-08-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

Men may climb mountains high
and think that they have conquered
We give them glory past their due
while others unoticed soar to heights higher
No one doubts the determination for riches of success
but sometimes the wrong stick is used to measure

For toiling daily in hohum
people move the world for others
only seen by the gaze of God's watchful eyes
In anonymity they pass
no throngs to weep at their dying

The world looks through the wrong end of the glass
seeing only the numbers on the page
no points for daily service to unrelenting causes
No riches amassed
No sign of success worn on the body
On this death the world knows no difference

With the souls flight
the gates fling open
Greater than a thousand chest of earthly gold
or renowned admiration from all men
the simple words from God
are worth all the drudery the earth can give
You did a good job my son....

Free for one moment again

2004-08-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

let me know you by your touch
let me see you in the faint outline of darkness
softly reaching out touching smoothness
knowing you in love
the one moment of peace
fulfilling a chemical drive
that only an embrace in the darkness can release me from
with time this feeling abides
replaced by something more
the feeling that this is love
an intamacy of two becoming one
for fleeting moments the world is right
and the time between the next moment does not matter
for this is the place where the soul can breathe
the heart feels wanted
with freud fulfilled we can move on
with a peace that lingers away in short time
waiting to be rekindled
waiting to be remembered
waiting to be free for one moment again

Weekend wonderland of fun

2004-08-07T09:55:00.000-07:00

I shared a bottle of wine with my salesman friends girlfriend. I am not a drinker nowadays but it was a very pleasant buzz as he drove me to the mall to get free tickets my daughter had won for Princess Diaries 2 from Libbey Lou's. Libbey Lou's is a place where very young girl's go to get dressed up to look like Brittney Spears with therir bellys showing and all that. It is pretty funny. We came home and ate pizza and the kids watched The Miracle while we watched Bad Boys 1. I did not see the end because I fell asleep. My wife told me to go to bed I was snoring. My salesman friend likes to flaunt these young girls in my face. She is thirtish and drop dead gorgeous. My question is how does someone this good looking go unmarried for so long? I don't have any idea how it could happen. She is very sweet and she has been flaunted on my for a yera or so and I can see no personality flaws that would make her not marriable.
she wore a short knit dress with no panty hose which is distracting for me. In all fairness when my wife does I am also very distracted. My wife can very easily distract me. The important thing to know is that as a man I have never discussed sex with a particular woman with another guy nor have they told me any details. Guys say things like, "did you see that girl with the J.Lo butt" or "did you see the rack on that girl". The mall was overloaded with incredibly pretty girls. Why weren't they on dates on Friday night? I have quizzed many beatiful women over my life about if they are getting hit on all the time. To my astonishment they are not. I think that looking that good most guys don't want to get blown off so they only look. I have had no luck with any of them including getting any of them to go out with me when I was single. I was shy and it took alot of effort for me to approach a girl. I spent alot of time stalking them mostly. Driving by their house and stupid things.
We are going to our best friends house tonight to eat shiskabobs. We will probably sit around and talk about our kids.

We never know how high we are

2004-08-06T10:24:00.000-07:00

I have been less than pleasant internally lately and I find that the cure is getting out my favorite poems and usually after reading them I feel better. Emily Dickinson is my favorite poet. She has the classic story that I like. During her life no one knew who she was and after her death her sister was looking through her papers, which Emily instructred to be burned, and discovered her poems. Like sisters are known to do she showed them to someone and they were published and the rest is history. Here is one that I like:

We never know how high we are

Till we are called to rise;

And then, if we are true to plan,

Our statures touch the skies.

The heroism we recite

Would be a daily thing,

Did not our selves the cubits warp

For fear to be a king.

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help a fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

Katherine learned a minute ago that her mother had passed away. She has been sick in the hopsital for a while so it was not unexpected. She is upset and crying which is to be expected. We have talked about it nad I tried to do all I could to make it easier on her. It is something you cannot avoid being upset about. I am always strange in my perspective but I look at death as a good thing. I beleive I will go to heaven and there is no better place to be. There are a few things in life that are great but there are more things that are boring unpleasant drudgery. "Our little life is but a gust that bends the branches of thy tree, and trails its blossoms in the dust!" Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. I feel bad for Katherine but I did not know her mother so it is not a emotion generating thing for me. I hope Trixie does not want to go to the funeral. I can see her kicking Lynne's butt out in the parking lot. It is an interesting thought to have two women in a cat fight over you. It will not happen. My wife is too dignified and respectful for that.

My excitement for the weekend is putting a second coat of paint in my bedroom. It's unavoidable. I am eating two low calorie Jiffy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a big ice cold glassof milk with a fresh garden cucumber cut up. I stayed up last night and watched The Cooler. It was a pretty good movie. I have to get up tomorrow and take Elise to see Princess Diaries 2. She won free tickets at school. It is at Circle Center Mall and I plan to drop her off with a girlfriend and do some window shopping. I always like to go to Nordstrom's and see what a $900.00 pair of shoes look like.

Email but no comments

2004-08-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

I am not sure I understand every nuance of the blogger life. I am on the downward spiral of understanding new things and being on the cool cutting edge. I need young persons who know everything to explain things to me. Let's answer some email questions-no I have never cheated on my wife just lusted after certain other women. When I was much younger and nubile there was a misconcepotion that doctor meant money which attracts gold diggers. The first ten years of my marriage I was in a love funk and I never even realized women might have been hitting on me until days later. I am the guy who get's off the boat in San Juan, Puerto Rico and misses the hundred prostitutes at the dock. On a scale of one to ten Lynne is a six or a seven. that would mean she is above average but not like on Elizabeth Hurleys level. My life is much more involved than all this but these are the topics that I choose to divulge or have some interest in recounting. Yes I am Fruedian. Isn't it boring looking into peoples mouths all day? It is a job and it can be fun sometimes to help people. My guitar playing is mediocre at it's most prejudicial rating. My playing sounds best if you have never heard the song I am trying to play. No I do not think that a Kiss electric guitar would be my style. My favorite food is fried chicken, vegetable is tomato tied with the cucumber followed closely by ocra and then collard greens with bacon. I was allergic to chocolate as a kid so I love chocolate ice cream. I am very happy to be a Libra and I am a bit of a waffler but never indecisive. I can see a lot of points of view. Yes I am going through a mild mid life crisis at this moment. Yes I am completely whipped at work and do not have any say in my own business. I am bullied around by a bunch of women who fail to realize no me no paycheck. Yet I am chopped liver to them.
I have had a bad day and I am very exhausted at 6 p.m. I have dealt with irrate all day long and I am ready for cloistered non human contacting seclusion. I almost talked to my wife last night but the minute I laid down whe asked me to get back up and get her a bowl of icecream. Then she asked me if she could smoke a cigarette in bed and I gave in. I should make the rule no sex no cigerettes in bed. I was finally ready to talk to her and she pointed out a spot I had missed at the top of the ceiling in the room I had spent all evening painting. Forget it I'm on shutdown. I stayed up to late watching Butterfly Diaries and I will stay up too late today watching The Cooler. I meant to get my haircut today but I was too tired. One of my new dentist friends wanted me to stop at his new office in a strip mall. I was too weak to stop by. To my amazement there is a large sign over the office that simply says Dentist. Something about it doesn't work for me. "Where do you work? Dentist" I could take that one a lot farther out but I am too weak. I am waiting for someone to call one of my many names-daddy,honey, sweetie, slave boy. I do not smoke or drink so I will do my one vice other than ocasional profane language, which is eat too much chocalate ice cream and fall face down on the cold leather couch in the living room. My wife will wake me to trim her toe nails or read a book to one of the kids. She was supposed to go to a martini bar with her girlfriend but they have all blown her off. I was gang attacked at work for using a new whitening treatment on a woman's tetracyclene grey striped teeth and not charging her. I had never used it before and I was guarnateed by the rep that it worked. It did work but the free part met with perturbed resentment by people who will go unnamed in the office. I am only king in my own little brain cavity kingdom. An elderly patient wanted to pay by check but we no longer take personal checks. He has been paying by check for a long time. He was psissed off and I remedied the problem by paying with my visa and he wrote me the personal check. It is not worth every one being pissed of over fifty dollars. I was corrected in this matter also and told to never do this again in no uncertain terms by Katherine. Her words are you pay me to run things right and it helps nothing when I circumvent the rules. This is unbeleivable and if it were not my life it would not be anything I could believe. I am dead and this is a repetitive hell that I am being yo yo'd through. Please torture me mistress Rene Zellwigger. Thinking of Rene makes me feel better. My neighbor plays for the Colts and he is at training camp. I came home and his fiance was swimming in my pool while my salesman friend was cooking her a hamburger for dinner. My wife was reading a book and upon seeing me told me she had a really hard day. "What was I going to be making for dinner?" KFC fried chicken sauteed okra from the garden and cucumber onion and tomato in vinegar and olive oil. (onion not form the garden) green beans with ham cut up in it. The hamburger is in the refrigerataor and I am not reading a book bease my wife is reading to one and my neighbors fiance is reading to the other while my slaes man friend watches me clean off the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher. Calgon take me away!!!!!

Et tau le Pusse Cat

2004-08-04T10:07:00.000-07:00

My favorite cartoon moment was an episode of "Tom and Jerry" where they are in old three muskateer France. Jerry has this little baby mouse with him and he pulls out his sword and says something aproximating the title of this blog and pokes Tom in the ass with a sword. It always makes me laugh when I think about it in my head. That's why I have trouble being in a bad mood for long. I have all this stuff going on in my head. I also like Sylvester the cats son saying, "ooh father, the shame". Then Sylvester get's pounded by a kangaroo.
I'm going to be in a good mood today. I have eliminated all my procrastinations and I am square with everyone as far as things that I have promised to do. Our neighbors are getting divorced. He has always been an inaproachable guy for me. I have tried and he has no personality that I can make out. His wife is cute and o.k. She told me he said he didin't want to be married anymore. I told her if she needed any help give us a call. I don't think we have any close friends that have ever gotten divorced. Of course who knows what is going on for real with anybody. I'm not smart enough to even know what is the truth in my own life less than what other people are telling me. I'm a rhub right off the bus from podunk. I look straight up at the skyscrapers every time I go to the big city. I am not so urbane there.
I just took a call from a baptist minister who wants me to speak at the Greater Indianapolis Christian Businessmens Luncheon. I asked him how he had gotten my name and he said Dee Dee Lawrence had suggested me. This is a shocker for me. This Dee Dee is the all time crush love of my high school life. She and I share the same birthday in the same year two hours apart. She and I walked down the isle at graduation together. I am from northern Kentucky and she called me three years ago and told me she had just found out I lived in Indy. We went to lunch and became reaquainted. I did not call her back because I knew it would not be a good thing. The story is that she was dating this college guy who had graduating from our high school. She and I had the same study hall together and we hung out together. I wanted her to be my girlfriend but I would not do anything because she was going steady. We played tennis together and cards, studied algebra and geometry. Her boyfriend did not like me and was jealous and accused me of trying to steal her away. He offended me and at the prom we sat together and I talked with him for a long time. He told Dee Dee later that he was sorry and I was a very nice guy. If they would have broken up I would have snagged down on her as hard as I could. I went to their wedding and really felt bad through the entire thing. It is kind of out of a movie that I would not beleive. I cannot speak to anyone else but I am kind of if I loved you then I love you now. I have broken up with girls and I still think about them now and I still love them. If they called me I would help them in a second. So it looks like I will have to call Dee Dee and I will be sad. I love to make speeches and I am going to fire ball them at this thing. I am saved and I like to tell the story. I will save it for another time though. I will get done today and stare at the phone awhile before I call Dee Dee. Just as I would not move in on a girl going steady with a guy I will not ever cheat on my wife. I will though think about it in my head alittle bit. Dee Dee is not gorgeous but she is simply urbane and easy going like me. She is very easy to be with and would give anything or help anyone out. She has a great dry sense of humor which goes with mine very well. She's pretty and sweet. I can't be around her much though because she is a person that could make me stray form my rules. Oh isn't life hard. I will simply have to survive.

Lurid Topic

2004-08-03T12:01:00.000-07:00

O.K. here is my risque topic. We had a little discussion while Katherine was gone about what a girlfriend or a wife should tell her husband or boyfriend. All eyes looked to me and I told some off color stories about how dumb I was when I first was married. These stupid things can be avoided through discussion. There are things that my wife has wanted done to her that I was not doing. She did not mention this because she asumed I had simply chosen not to do these things. Is that enough code? No one told me anything and it isn't something that comes up in casual conversation. Things like masturbation, cunninglingus and other fun things. I knew guys masturbated but I asumed girls didn't do that sort of stuff. I did not even realize how the clitoris worked for a very long time. I missed all of that stuff some how. We have three newly wed types who were complaining about certain aspects of their sex lifes- remember I am one of the women in the office. My first advice is initiate sex yourself don't wait for him. If you want it take it. It is an ongoing fantasy of mine tha my wife might wake me up unexpectedly in the night and ravage me-that would be good. It has happened but far too sporadiacally. If I knew what it took to put her in that mood all the time I would give her so much of it she would be sick of it. If there is somewhere he should be touching you show him like he's a five year old. Even if you don't like to do certain things or cannot bring yourself to do them use your hand or get special equipment. I like special equipment but I'm not so sure most guys know if their girlfriends or wifes like them. If you like that stuff go buy it and figure out how to use it together. I have missed a few times but I have gotten points for trying. My wife likes to watch 9 1/2 weeks and Unfaithful and gets all steamed up. She is a Richard Gere fan. I beleive that you need to discuss this stuff and decide what works. But than again I don't know anything. As a Libra I don't need much help from anything to get steamed up and I am into a lot of things I know nothing about.
My brother is a very conservative republican and he shocked me last week by telling me he is going to vote for John Kerry. He is sold on a man who has some combat experience. They are both vietnam veterans and my brother believes he will do the right thing. I was shocked and thought my brother was teasing or taunting me. He was offended by some off hand comments he heard from the Bush campaign about Kerry's purple hearts and his other medals. He seems to think they don't give you those things for the fun of it. He agreed it was easy to get the purple hearts but the other medals have more clout. My brother is usually down on Navy people but there is a difference when you are on a Patrol Boat he tells me. He started some stories but I stopped him. We have a deal that I don't have to hear all those stories unless I absolutely need to hear them. I only absolutely need to hear them if he needs to vent or tell someone some sordid thing to make him feel better. I will leave it at that. If he get's started I will hear every story he ever lived. He wants me to watch "When We Were Soldiers" with him(Mel Gibson very graphic vietnam war movie). He has trouble watching some of these movies and he wants me to watch them with him. He does not show any outward emotions but I know he is convulsing on the inside. He says he feels better if he watches them but he would rather watch them with me in case he needs to talk. I am somehow his personal confessor. I have been told some incredibly unpleasant stories. Not that he has done anything wrong but just the same of an unpleasant level. My daughter was hugging on him and kissing him and stopped to ask him if he had ever killed anyone. He looked her in the eyes and told her no where did she ever get that idea? She told him good nad then told him I have never had S..E..X.. She is seven.
He also took this time to show me a splinter in his right buttock. It was barried under the skin and had been there for quite a while. It was half an inch long and it hurt me simply looking at it. He was in the middle of some maneuver not war and had fallen down on this splinter and it had not bothered him untill recently. He was too busy top do anything about it when it happened twelve years ago. He has no toe nails on the three outside toes on his right foot either. He isn't sure how or when that happened.

Cure found for DSB

2004-08-01T08:44:00.000-07:00

Eunicia thinks I need to juice my blog up. I need to have a sordid affair or come up with some really exciting story other than the ho hum of the office. I told her let's go the cleaning closet is open. I can be Fabio and you can be Sophia Loren. She smiled alittle and blushed a little bit.
I hired a new person while my wife was gone. They were all bland and uninteresting. I was down to looking for someone who played a musical instrument. There were no strawberry blondes, lesbians, or any of the other personal characteristics I was looking for. The one that I picked had really nice hair style though. She scored big points when she showed me pictures of her two year old daughter. I like that kind of stuff. Unfortunately she is the kind of person who will fall right into Trixie's trap and be one of her allies.
My desk is a mess and I don't want to do paperwork. It is early in the morning and I am going to sit here and veg. I am going to surf the web for electric guitars and be bad. I have discovered that my acoustic guitar is absolute crap. I could not figure why it didn't sound like the guys on my internet learn to play a song web site. The problem is going to be that I am going to have too many choices. Trixie's favorite singer is Jim Morrison and the first song I am going to play is Rider in the Storm.
I am going to have to rush lunch today we already have two squeeze ins. I have a smoked turkey sandwich with mayonaise on lite rye bread, eight cherry tomatoes out of the garden a cut up cucumber out of the garden. It all sounds too healthy.
My battle with Katherine rages on. I am still toting the line on being stoically boring. No singing or dancing absolutely no ukellee. The women keep telling me I am making everything much too boring and they keep checking my forehead to see if I have a temperature. They look up at me with their sorry and sad little eyes asking me if I am o.k. It would be the same way they ask their two year old if he is alright. "Don't you want to sing us one little song?" "Is mean Aunt Katherine not letting you have fun?" It is taking all my strength and concentration not to not unconsciously sing or goof off.
Important Disclaimer: I would like everyone to know that I have all kinds of pain in the butt things that go on in my life. My life is also very hectic and at times disorganized. My blog sounds all fun and as if I loiter, but in reality I am discussing the few serene and wonderful or interesting moments. There is no panacea here. Big word for the day is inmediasres, which is where I spend most of my life at.

Life is a rose with the morning light

2004-07-30T14:45:00.000-07:00

I am feeling much better this morning. My wife kind of redeemed herself by letting me go shopping with her this morning and ignoring all my comments. My reasonable inner voice keeps telling me she is only tired. My seven year old daughter told us at the dinner table that daddy earned a lot of points while they were gone and mommy will probably be giving daddy sex. What do you say to that? I stuttered and looked at my wife. Two of my wife's friend's went on about how many points I scored redecorating and painting the house. They did not realize delicate ears were listening and talked potty mouth like women can sometimes do. I italicize women to show my retraining from in the past calling them girls. I have been told that is demeaning. I would never demean anyone because women mean a lot to me.
The important news is that I am about to make the leap to the electric guitar. I am going to start shopping now and gathering information and buy it by Christmas. This is not something to leap into. The significance is that I own two acoustic guitars and a ukelellee. These were all orphan instruments that no one else wanted. They are all below average instruments but they met my standards when I started out. I have a friend who has this humongest
amplifier that he will give me. That kind of give is ok. I will keep you up to date on my research into the holy grail electric guitar. My daughter thinks I should learn to play the banjo but they are an arm and a leg and I am as we know too cheap. We had a family concert on the little stage I built down our basement(4' x 8' plywood 2" off floor). Paul my four year old sang acapello
a song he composed himself. It was interesting. Elise lip sank a Hillary Dun classic with makeup hair and her belly button showing. I played the kazoo and Back Home in Indiana with a oncore of Stay(Jackson Browne version) on the ukellelee. It is unique on the ukellelee. It is so unique that it is unrecognizable as the same song as Stay.

It is never easy

2004-07-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

I have blogger block. I have been in a bad mood since my family has returned. My wife comes back from her foray and has entirely ignored me. I am sure we are all underprivileged and I try to concentrate on other things. I know that I will find out something that I don't want to know if I delve into things too much. I would rather ignore it and figure it will take the normal course of my being overly sensitive about something I am misinterpreting. After twenty years I can't bring myself to complain or beg for attention. I used to do that and it hurt to be blown off so I don't do it anymore. It is hard for me to simply be angry or get into a confrontation. It is the wicked side of being a Libra diplomat. After a while it always ends up that something happens to reward me for holding back my wrath. One of the things I like about Abraham Lincoln is that he would write letters and sit them in a drawer. It may be an angry scathing letter and he would sit it in a drawer and if in the course of time he still felt that way three or four days later he would send it. I am going to take a deep breath and regroup.
My mother called me on the phone and we unfortunately got into a discussion about the upcoming presidential election. She baited me by telling me that if Kerry is elected it will shift the world into the end times and it is the turning point for our country. Even writing about it makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I stated that Bush and Cheney are no more Christian than Kerry. I pointed out Cheney saying the f... word to a senator. She sloughed it off by telling me I don't know my bible. I mention two little problems with Bush and the ten commandments- Though shall not kill and the little non violent thing Jesus discussed while he was walking the earth. There is a great misrepresentation of an eye for an eye. Jesus said and a paraphrase when your neighbor slaps you in the face do not strike back but turn the other cheek and let him smack that cheek. The thou shall not kill reference is about executing countless people while he was govenor of Texas and of course all the victims of the war in Iraq. I think it is also a Christian principal not to lie about weapons of mass destruction. So we got into it and it was a worthless exercise that got my mom all in a huff telling me I'm ignorant and wrong. I believe we should have gone into Afghanistan but deposing Saddam Hussein is only going to create a million more terrorists. I am a Ghandi man who believes you can never gain anything good from violence it is only self perpetuating. You hit me, I hit you back and it is an endless cycle. I need to watch King Pin and get into a better mood. If that doesn't work I will watch Stripes. The important thing to mention is that my parents have believed the end of the world would come on many already passed days. I am told that I haven't read Revelations that's why I don't understand it. I think it pretty clearly states that it is impossible to know the exact date it will happen and even if you went to Purdue and are smart enough to figure it out your name will be taken out of the book of life. I need a chill pill.
It seems at times that people are being difficult just to be difficult. I cannot spew my bad feelings out indiscriminately. I have run into some people who get all nasty and I stop them by apologizing but not really apologizing. It's part of my urbane side. It goes like " I'm really sorry I upset you. It was absolutely not my intention. I should of realized you are under a lot of pressure and you're not handling things very well right now." I also will admit that I am wrong and what deluded me into thinking the wrong thing.
The good thing I am going to say is that my garden is producing joyous larder. I have personally eaten four or five cucumbers and tonight I ate some great okra. My wife bought me Thai chili paste as my reward for all the work I did while she was gone. I fried up the okra, poured redhot sauce in with some water and a good dab of the chili paste. As it cooked up I added green beans and poured it all over rice and it was very good. My daughter and I can't seem to make it into the house with any of the cherry tomatoes. It is a four foot by five foot gardened that I have spent 20 minutes working on. I am waiting for the first big red and juicy tomato.
I have decided that pictures on my blog would only ruin the pictures we make up in our minds while reading something. I will take a moment to describe the people I have recurently talked about. My wife is 5'11" with blond hair. She weighs about 125 pounds and is not the prissy type. She has a dutch boyu hair cut that I dont like that the ends curve in around her face. I would say that she is good looking but I am absolutely skewed on that account. Katherine is 5'6" tall and has brunette hair with subtle red highlights. I am a hair man. I immediately can tell if a woman has done something different with their hair. It blows their minds when I comment on their hair. She is slightly overweight and always dresses conservative business. She puts on those reading glasses to give you the heart to heart over finances or behavior correction. She will slowly shake her head and move a pen side to side in her hand when she disagrees with what youare saying. I call it her shut down gesture. She is shutdown to any further explanation of your actions or ideas. She does admit after some thought when she is wrong. She is not as stubborn as much as she is opinionated. My daughter is me and my son is my wife. Unfortunately my daughter is my kindred spirit. She likes salt and all the horrible vegetables that I like-spinnach, turnip greens, mushrooms, pickles, olives,ect. She is loud and somewhat unaware of anything but the moment much like me. Heh I must have broken my blog block.

Let the Silence End

2004-07-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

They are back and it is good. "Go placidly amid the noise & haste & remember what peace there may be in silence", Desiderata. My wife and kids pulled in at six thirty a.m. this morning and it was a joyous reunion. Trixie drove straight through form Mass to Indy beating Amelia Earhardt's fifty year record for solo flight. She is Amelia Eahardtish in looks and fearlessness- I wonder if Amelia was mean? They went gah gah for the decorating spinning around ohing and awing. I made three masterpieces in the garage yesterday. I went to the craft store and bought eight dollars worth of acrylic paints. I am addicted to luann plywood. I have used it for tons of projects and it works out really nice. I used a 48 x 48 piece as my canvass. If I describe the process I used it would not sound like it could look good. Three or four of my neighbors stopped by yesterday after I had three of my paintings hung and they did not beleive I had whipped them up. They look incredibly good if I don't say so myself. Most importantly Trixie and the kids really like them also.
I talked with Trixie last night and I told her everything going on with Lynne. If she has ever been jealous I have never been able to tell. I take it one of two ways- she's hoping someone steals me away so she can get a replacement or she trusts me.  Trixie thinks Lynne must be living in a delusional world to be wasting her time and should put her energies in finding a single eleigible guy. Mother or no mother I am going to call her and tell her thanks but no thanks she is wasting her time. I discussed it with my dad and his first question was how much money does a optometrist make per year?  Then he laughed. He thinks it is a no brainer to tell her to get lost. My mother knows Lynne and she thinks she is an awfully good dresser and always seems so cute and bubbly. She thinks Lynne looks like a twenty five year old. Once again my mother does not dislike Trixie but would not be upset to replace her. Trixie and my mother are not juxtapose in any aspects of their viewpoints on wifehood. So we are done with that one.
I inhaled too much spray paint while working on my art work and I had lung ache all nite. I have had some really bad bronchitis in the past and my lungs can get messed up very easily. I had a pain in my right lower lobe only remedied by laying on my side just right. Trixie made the plan that if she had to stop and pee she would not wake up the kids. If Elise was up she would hand her the phone and call me and I could talke with her until she got back. The call came at five ten a.m.   I am tired. It is cloudy and overcast and 65 degrees. The women in the office are all cold blooded and have been waiting for some one to take the lead to ask Katherine if they can turn the heat on. My tact would be to say Mrs. So and So was complaining that it was too cold and we should put the heat on. They don't ask me because I have been acting so strangely lately. I have become sober and respnsible. No ukelelee, not singing my favorite songs ect.. It will drive them crazy soon and they will ask me to forgive them and give them their old buddy they like back. I brought in Arby's coupons for lunch. I usually get a giant barbecue and curly fries. I have eaten microwave hotdogs all week. I made pork chops last nite and used dill and held the garlic. I am hoping to get lucky with Trixie garlic can diminish the experience. She hit something while backing in and a piece of the side trim got knocked off. If I play this right she will feel bad and want to make it up to me. I am looking forward to making out with her and snuggling because I am a sensitive guy. My sex life is opposite of the sterotypical couple. I like to draw it out as long as possiblee while my wife believes it can't be red hot romance every time.

Ongoing Saga

2004-07-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

I am finally alone. Everyone has left and it is very,very quiet. I watched a movie last nite and then television. It was very exciting. For dinner I had all the fofods I cannot eat when Trixie is home. I made my Thai fish seafood soup which ahs evoved into my own recipe. I am too lazy to find a thai store and get the hard to find ingredients so I substituted things that were close. It was very good. I am taking the day off and it is very quiet. I will call Katherine soon to find out how her mom is doing. When this is all over I will talk to her to get her sister off of me. I hopefully can delegate it to her. One of my neighbors is retired and she wants to paint the walls in the living room. My sister and her hooked up and she wants to see the project all the way through. I came home and she was here. I know her casually and Trixie is best friends with the world including this lady. She is attractive but than again I am a Libra and everything is attractive to me. I have been nice but distant. I made her lunch and hopefully she will be done soon.

Ukelelee No More

2004-07-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know how this happened but I have no control over my little world. Jiminy Cricket (Katherine the office manager) keeps coming up with new rules to thwart my artistic tendencies toward creative marketing. I bought a new ukellelee which I play within tolerable limits. I brought it to work because the women in the office laugh very hard when I play it. I have been known to play it for some of our younger scared clients and it makes things easier. They all saw that I had my ukelelee next to my desk when they came in and immediately started laughing. They taunted me to stop my paperwork to play them something to get the day going right. There were various requests but I have been perfecting Bacvk Home in Indiana. That's the song sung every year at the Indy 500 by Jim Neighbors(spelling?). I started playing and was singing just like Jim and it is hilarious. You have to listen to it. We were laughing very hard and when I was done Katherine came in and closed the door. She thinks that the ukelelee is unprofessional and it makes me look gooffy. "I should save it for parties at home". I understand what she is saying but I don't really want to understand it. I have slayed them with "Tip Toe Through the Tulips" singing it high pitched like Tiny Tim. (if you don't know him he has a website some where) Katherine says that I am very urbane but in the same breath not always aware that I should be acting a little more reserved. I am taking a new tact, "I absolutely agree" I told her. She was somewhat taken off guard by my lack of resistance. Like a good boy I packed up the ukelelee and sat it out of sight next to my desk. I went out and in a quiet and dignified manner conducted myself as the consumate professional. I could tell as the day wore on everyone was looking at me like I was sick. I did not whistle while I worked or sing along with my favorite songs. A Backstreet Boys song came on and I did not dance, which tore at my soul, I always dance to their music. I ate my cottage cheese and tomatoe on rye sandwiches that my dad made me (they sound questionable but are good) for lunch with some cucumbers and tomatoes with vinegar and oil. It was a great summer lunch. I went home when the whistle blew, which I rarely do.
I was sitting down to dinner out with my parents and my sister when my phone rang. It was Katherine and her mother had been rushed to the hospital and they thought she was dying. She asked if I could come down in between sobs on the phone. What could I say? I excused myself after my mother asked me if she didn't have a husband and why did she need me? I know where this is going my mother always suspects me of having something going on with Katherine or other women. She does not think Trixie is good enough for me and that I deserve a wife with similar qualities to her.
I get to the hospital and Katherine's husband is standing in the hall white as a ghost. This sort of thing has never bothered me. I am sad but on the other hand if you go to heaven it probably is a good thing. It is similar to sittng on the plane waiting to take off for vacation. You hate the wait but when the plane sits down you are happy. I knocked and I wlked into the room. Katherine was crying mascara tears and came and gave me a very uncharacteristic hug wiping her mascara on my shoulder. her mother was laying in the bed on a ventilator with a nurse and a respiratory therapist in the room. Please note, it is a Ventilator not a respirator. You put a respirator on your face to paint. Her sister Lynne, the optometrist was in the room and proceeded to hug me on the otherside. Katherine let go and thanked me for coming. Lynne continued to hang on dripping tears down my collar sending chills down my spine. The nurse asked m e if I was their brother and Katherine told her I was Dr. Binson. Then she thought ZI was their very friendly family doctor. She rattled a little report- she's on assist control, we are doing a fluid challenge and we have a heartrate of 69 but her sat is low. It's amazing but I know what all that means. I didn't know the drug they gave for sedation when she told me. The Katherine told her who I really was and the nurse apologized saying it was simply out of habit she asumed. I'm in the room four or five minutes and Lynne is still sniffling down my neck. Katherine started telling me that her mother was probably going to pass away tonite and she didn't know what ot do and was beside herself. I stopped her and told her we should go out in the hall and talk. You don't talk about this kind of stuff in front of the person whether they seem out ot it or not. I beleive if you are not told you are expected to die you might not catch on and not realize you are supposed to die. Lynne was anchored to my neck and I kind of drug her out ot hte room. Katherine gave me the scoop. Her mother has had a bad hear tof or a long time and she is 77 years old. I gave her the advice I would give myself. I would make her a no code and let them give her pain medicine if she needs it. I told her the important thing now is to stay calm and to pray for their mom and everything would be all right. Katherine's husband shook hi head in agreement while I said this. He have a distant relationship because he thinks I want Katherine as all men do because he thinks she's the hottest babe on the earth. He can't buddy up to me because he may have to kick my butt if he catches me sniffing around Katherine. It is easier I guess to beat up someone you don't really know. Lynne still had her head on my shoulder but her face was pointed at her sister while I talked. Her hand was on my back and I kept thinking she was going to touch my turtle tail and make me widh Trixie was home. I stayed for an hour and things calmed down. I told them I needed to get home to my parents and my sister. Lynne let go of her grip on me. I said bye and Lynne said she would walk to my car. I was emphatic that I could make it on my own by she insisted. We walked down to the elevator and out to my car. I was trying to get my key in the car and lynne told me she had something she needed ot tell me. I had a sudden bad feeling coming over me. She pressed into my persoanl space and her eyes met mine. Here is the whole speech form her, "My mother being sick has made me realize how short life is. I have wanted to tell you for years that I really love you. I think about you all the time and I know I shouldn't but I can't help it (sniffle). You are so cute and nice and sweet and fun. There aren't any guys around like you. I know your wife does't treat you good. (it should have been well but she used good-one of my hated pet peeves) I would take care of you and you would never be sorry." It was quiet for what seemed like a long time but only seconds. I have to be direct but it is at the worst time. I am in a no loose position, I tell her I think she is attractive and under other circumstances I would have grabbed her up, but I love my wife ect.. Then she is upset about her mother and about me rejecting her obviously heartfelt proposal. On the other hand I tell her this is not the time to discuss something like this. Wait fo rall this to clear up and we'll talk this over. Then I give her false hopes that something can happen. Then I would sit around thinking maybe I could have an affari and it would be no big deal. I would imagine Lynne naked and think that wouldn't be all bad. I have had these exotic and romatic fantasies with girls in the past when I was single. We make love like we are in a soap opera and it is steamy hot. Reality is that it is probably clumsy and awkward and I would regret it one second in and realize I am absolutely and systematically unable to do this wiht anyone but Trixie. So you see my problem. I am a Libra who wants balance and tranquility in the world. I am going to take the diplomatic road on this. Here's my speech, "Lynne, you are very emotional with all that is going on with your mother. You are sweet, beatiful and nice but this is not the time to deal with this. What you are talking about will only hurt you and me no matter what you think. You need ot go back inside and help your sister and brother in law get through this." She looked at me and told me I was right, she better get back inside. I could not get a reading how she was going to handle this. I have watched Fatal Attraction too many times to get sucked into this. As she walked away I thought she looked pretty good. She really smelled nice too. I am a total body man not just any particular parts. I am urbane and into symetry in my bodies. Shoulders proportioned ot rear end without caring about heavy or skinny. As I drove down the road I know she will misinterpret what I said and think I said we will get together later.
When I got home my parents and sister were packing up to go home. I love them but was looking forward to saying good bye. They were gone fiteen minutes and the door bell rang. I snuck up to the window to secretly peek out thinking it might be Lynne. It was thatnkfully my salesman buddy. Why was he ringing the door bell, he just lets himself in usually. He had a six pack of beer and I showed him everything my mother and sister had done to the house. He really liked it. Then I told him what had happened with Lynne. You know what he thought I should do, but that is why he is divorced. He thought Lynne was the hot librarian type when she wore her wire rimmed glasses and her hair up. He told me this is the way things work, you get married and suddenly every woman who would have ignored you in the past now wants you. I reminded him I have been married 19 years seven months and this is the first time I have known of something like this happening to me. We sat on the deck, drank a beer and smoked some rot gut cigars. We made plans for going to the Colt's and Bengals training camp. We oredered a large pizza with everything on it including anchovies. We ate the pizza and at ten he went home. I did not realize till he had gone that we had sat there and didn't say anything but for a long time.

It is so amusing I forgot to laugh

2004-07-21T06:06:00.000-07:00

My parents can be stressful at times. They mean well and all but they are thinking out loud too much. They came into the office yesterday and I was very tight on schedule. They would be slighted if I did not stop to say hi. Katherine being above my intelligence came right in and entertained them. She showed my mom the new wallpaer in the bathroom, the painting I bought at Goodwill hanging in my office. The new paint in the breakroom. My mother is like Trixie and has some little continuous conversation going on with each woman in the office. Eugenia has been entirely ensnared in my mom's spell.
So I get home and want to sit down and drink a diet coke. My mother pounces and goes into a diatribe over how lazy that girl in the pink scrubs is. She was back in the lounge with her feet all propped up and she was there for fourty minutes while everyone else was running around. She went on. The problem is that she was not feeling good on top of the secret women code word "back ache". At first when I entered into the all female world I would asked, "how did you hurt your back? Did you do it lifting or turn wrong?" They would simply look at me like I was naive. It's that once a month thing. The more I have dwelved into this world the more I have learned why women and men fight so much. We are thinking entirely different and for the most part there are only two reasons we hang out together money would be one reason. Women talk things out in great detail and it seems they all have one or two really good women friends they talk with. Trixie has twenty six of these women friends. The one thing that I can never get women to beleive is that men do not tlak in the locker room about girls or women. On the other hand women really get into great detail about their sex lives and relationships. I have sat there and been aloud to listen because I am now one of the girls or my presence is simply ignored. Someone left a Maxim magazine for men in the waiting room and there was an article about penile enlargement surgery. It was not an article that would make you run out and have the surgery. They were laughing so hard that coke came out one of their noses. the interesting part is that they all agreed that size does not matter. Then one told about this guy who had a thick and long one and all their eyes got big like it was christmas time. She put her hands apart and made a circle and on the edge of there seats thaye said in unison,"NO, you're kidding us.." They were on the edge of their seats. It was great but the guy was a skank, and she would still like to run into him again. Looking into each ones eyes I could see wolfs with forks and knife in their hands napkin arouond neck wishing they could get a hold of this guy. Then Katherine came in and threw a bucket of water on them figuratively speaking. I could tell they were all thinking about it all day long. For me all I could think about is I'm not tall and everything else is of normal proportions. I am lucky in the hair department. My dad is high gloss shiney bald. I also noticed little side conversations with the women who mentioned her experience. "It was that guy you dated who worked over at the mall, right?"

You want to soar like and eagle and all you get is Pigeon

2004-07-20T06:11:00.000-07:00

   My sister has been in town helping me do our While You Were Out suprise makeover of our dining room while Trixie is in Mass. (can't spell it). My parents are from Cincinatti and they unexpectedly showed up last night. My mother hasn't been feeling well and they are getting to the age where everything involving movement is a big deal. My mother was still recovering from a truck air horning them. She has never driven due to the stress involved. My week of solitude and loitering is slowly slipping through my fingers.
   The women in the office seem to think the blog site looks fantastic and does not need pictures. I have many interesting pictures of them and they don't want the world to see them. I was slammed yesterday and it was so busy I can't remember what I had for lunch. I stopped for ten minutes to talk with Trixie and the kids. They are having a great time.
   My sister has been spewing epiphany after epiphany at me. I see the errors of my ways with Trixie and I am going to restrategize. My brother in law bought her this big hunking ring and it was so raomantic til he said, "Don't expect this all the time this is probably the last one you'll get." What was going to be 1000 points turned into zero el squato.  I know that being a smart elic I probably do the same sabotage to my own plans. O.K. I'm going to test this new epiphany by getting Trixie some flowers and a card. I am already in a good position to score points because my sister has cleaned places in my house that I didn't know needed cleaning. The important thing is to tell her she deserves all this because she is such a good wife. That line will work with the new love song I just wrote on my ukelelee. I bought it at good will for $9.99 while searching for nick nacks for the house. Yes, I said Good Will. I would have bought a trumpet but my sister stopped me. My sister was laughing and embarassed when I played and sung "Tip toe through the tulups with me". Young people will miss the humor in this one. Tiny Tim was a regular on Laugh In and he sang this song in a high pitched and sweet voiced. Tip toe through the tulups wiiith meeee. My sister laughed and than she became a little embarassed although the three people behind us were laughing too. I played a little of "Back home in Indiana" and they really appreciated it. That will tell you how long we waited in line.

Remember what peace there may be in silence

2004-07-17T17:09:00.000-07:00

My grandiose plans for moving the appearance of my blog to the next level have been thwarted by false hopes. Joey my neices boyfriend is not as computer savy as I might have hoped. I am close to reading all the instructions my self.
   Trixie and the kids left this morning and it was a mixture of knowing I would miss them and on the other had I could probably get some work done. It has turned into pleasurable work because my two neices and my big sister came up to visit. My sister and I are doing our own episode of While You Were Out. We are painting the dining room magenta red and mahogany red. It is hard to describe, but we taped off eight inch wide lines up the wall. We painted one of the set of lines the mahogany red and did two thick coats. Then we painted over all of it with the magenta red and it gave the neatest effect. It looks great. It is one of those deals that makes you walk up to touch it to see if it is paint or wallpaper. My wife will be suprised.
I watched Imortal Beloved one of my favorite movies. It is a great story with Gary Oldman the greatest male actor in the world. I can't say much. I do not want to ruin it for anyone. I have seen it five or six times and I watch every second of it every time.
   I have begun my time bacheloring hard at work painting. I went to Forbidden City a resturant Trixie will not go with me to except on my birthday. It is oriental buffet. They have Kim chi, shrimp, muscles, fish, I eat too much and I ate too much. I wil go to church later than usual and sse if I know anyone there. I'm meeting a friend of mine Marilyn and we are going to brunch or something like that. Her and I worked together a long time ago. I worked nites in the blood gas lab at a local hospital dcuring college. She and I sat around for twelve hour nites talking about everything. She is a very good friend who knows alot of honest things about me. We are mutually theraputic friends. She is an innocent like me who is good hearted with an empathy I can not parrallel. Her husband has not been well and we will talk.
   I tried a trick and lost some of what I wrote. Trixie is a Leslie on her birth certificate. She is a Trixie becaise when I first met her she introduced herself as sticking lousy drunk Trixie. She had on a light brown wig that was a mess, a glob of rouge on each cheek, mis applied dark red lipstick. Her outfit was over the edge early Madonnaish. She was kind of out from the table with her friends sitting kind of slouchy in a chair. It is not joke, her first words to me were, "hey sailor buy a girl a drink?", in a slur. I squatted down because I was not sure if she could still lift her head. I asked her what I would get if I bought her a drink? She said she would do something sexually explicit and I blushed. Of course I asked her what she was drinking and it was Southern Comfort on the rocks. She was there with a group of girls and they were laughing and shaking their heads in disbelief. I bought her a double because I was stupid. When I brought it back she staggered up and she asked me to dance to a Def Leopard song (kind of hard rock). She was swaying and I thought she might fall a few times but she was laughing and having a good time even though her wig was creeping up on her forehead. The next song was fate, a slow song. We danced and she grabbed on to me hard to stay standing. She barried her head into the crack where my neck meets my shoulder and kind of slobbered in there. She looked up at me with one eye kind of looking in like a lazy eye. She told me she knew me from high school but ai probably didn't know her. I asked her what her name was nad she said Trixie. I told her I thought her name was Leslie but I didn't know the last name. With a slur she said everybody mixes her up with that girl. We went back to the table and she was still holding on to me. I walked to the table and realized I knew two or three of the girls. They ahd gone to my high school and were three or four years younger than me. Trixie who was really Leslie lit a cigarette and chugged her drink. She leaned over and kissed me on the ear. I would learn later she had left a big read lipstick smear on my ear. With her tilted head she looked in my eyes and told me she was going to puke.  I stepped back and she bent over but only spit came out of her mouth. Her girfriends took her to the bathroom. She came back in a little while and put her arm around my shoulder seeming a little more stable and gave me her phone number. She left with two of her girlfriends. That's how we met. The earlier story was that she was drinkin for the first time with her friends and had gotten plowed before she knew what hit her. Her girfriends with her permission had put her in this hilarious outfit. Luckily of rher they did not have a polaroid camera. I called her and we went out. My blog is your blog.

Let this day end

2004-07-16T16:55:00.000-07:00

   The new lesbian girl fell through today. She talked with Katherine and it isn't going to work. It's a bad vibe. She apologized, thought I would be good to hang around, but Katherine would not work out. I covered up by saying it was no problem because we had never planned to hire her, we were just starting the process. "Thank goodness you didn't come to work for us and leave, it would look like you couldn't get along with people. Thanks. She needed to be brought down because she said it all so condescendingly. We're back to finding the 21 to 34 male enticing redhead.
   I am in love with a girl who came in today. She is I beleive a strawberry blonde that I would consider redheaded with freckles, real blue eyes. She is in a power wheelchair and she is a hot babe. Unfortunately as always she is married with a nine year old boy. I will not release any confidential information more than that she is an Aries- second choice for a Libra if you can't get another Libra. She has a new wheelchair that raises and reclines back. I told her she wouldn't need me anymore now that she doesn't need my advance transfer training skills to get into the chair. She usually holds my hand the entire time we are talking. Katherine usually breaks it up by interupting us, handing me a file. I don't pull that condescending act, I flirt with her like any other woman I am attracted too.
The day was so busy I only had a bag of pretzels and a diet coke for lunch. I was dragging early on and it got worse as things went on. I need to find out what is going on with people. I want to know how the golf games going since your toes were cut off because of diabetes. He was a 3 handicap now he's lucky if he can do a 17. Cheer up mines a fourteen on an executive course and that cheered him up. I couldn't do that today and it was unpleasant. I did get to ask if he'd been watching the Brittish Open. I got to work in my "don't they know you can irrigate and there are sprinkler systems?". (the course looks like dirt over there).
   Katherine says that I should have my own show like Dr. Phil. Every one gossips and tells me all their problems and I give them advice. The truth is that I have missed alot of obvious things in my life time. I hate to think other people are missing obvious things. An example is: I did not know that you could put ketchup on scrambled eggs until I went to a football breakfast when I was a junior in highschool. No body told me. Every one pittle pattles around instead of directly facing up and getting things out of the way. "I really like this guy but I'm not sure he likes me? I can't walk up and say hi he might blow me off." Just do it and get it over. I did all that mambie pambie and I wish someone would have told me to do something or shut up about it. (Dale Carnegie) I would have found out that someone was a fish kisser alot sooner. I dated this really goody good girl in college. I was drunk on the floor in my underwear and my friends had shaved off one eyebrow and half my scrawny mustache. They took my picture with all the women at the party with a polaroid camera that is where I met this girl. She was a horrible kisser. One nite we were at my parents and They have this giant stone hearth and I had a raging fire going in it. It was a very romantic setting. We started our usual crumby making out when she must have suddenly experienced something because her kisses changed dramatically to incredibly passionate. I am a good boy myself and we made out pretty heavy but no consumation. She dumped me for some geeky fraternity guy. I believe I dated her because I knew I would never marry her and she didn't need me to call constantly. I was busy getting educated. She liked taking me to all her sororiety swayzes. Someday I'll tell the cock roach story.
   My literature professor kept talking to me and asking me what I like to read and starting up conversations all the time. I was just whistling along when one of my buddies pointed out that she had the hots for me. It is not possible. Next day she said she was having a party and wondered if I wanted to come and could bring some friends. Well this was not a hitting on me. This was wanting some guys at the party. We get to the party and are kind of in our own little huddle when Professor Otto comes up to me puts her arm around me and puts her lips up to my ear and whispers, "I'm soooo happy you came. I can't wait to intorduce you to all my friends." That still does't mean anything. Sure none of my other professors have ever stuck their hand in my back pocket and whispered a tickle in my ear. At this point I started sorta suspecting she might be hitting on me.   She was a little licquored up and she was probably kind of leaning on everyone. Did I mention she was strawberry blonde with cute freckles and dressed like my sister ultra preppy barbie who my G.I. Joe was always hitting on? I said, "Well Professor Otto you have a very nice home." She put her lips up to my cheek and said to call her Paige. The next line made almost sure she was hitting on me, "You are so cute IU could just eat you up..." She was playing with the hair on the back of my head. Rubbing my little turtle tail. (I shouold write erotic books) My turtle tail is a very erotitic part on my body. I can't do this of course it would be wrong. Students are not to even be at a party with a professor less than co-mingling. She had on a light red lipstick and she was the first woman or girl who I did not have to beg for attention. I resisted because I can't get involved in this kind of thing I need to concentrate on my studies. I slowly broke off and she preceded to chase me like Pepe Le pew. Where are you my little precious? She cornered me leaving the bathroom and led me into her bedroom. She wanted me to know that she never did this with students but she could not resist her feelings for me. I was squirmy. Devil on left shoulder angel on right shoulder. She did the look into my eyes. I to this day have a thing for older women. Of course I have a thing for everyone. She was twenty seven and I was nineteen. One of my biug problems at the moment relates to my ignorant blissness- I really wasn't sure exactly what to do. I had put bits and pieces together but had no overall strategy. She put her hands on my shoulders and was looking into my eyes. I kept thinking I would get a shot at some girl who knew nothing about sex because no one told them and it would all seem good. She smelled good,looked very good, had me heated up good. Then she kissed me and it was unbeleivable. She's a fish kisser, pucker your lips and make them hard and press them against glass and that is the dry push fish kiss. God had protected me once again by putting a bad kisser in my path. I imediately regained my senses as she asked me to spend the night. "Ah..ah..ah.. I have a literatuyre exam on Monday and I really need to do some studying" was all I could think to say. She sent sensual chills up my spine and down whispering in my ear that she could tudor me and give me the basic idea of what the story was about. She was the literature professor and all. O.K. I had turned full circle when at the moment I was going to let all caution go there was a knock on the door. I had brought my brother who was home for a few months on leave with me. I went to the door and opened it and he sheepishly looked in, "We ahve that thing at eleven o'clock that we need to go to, you asked me to remind you." We were going to the Kappa Sig house and see some of my friends haze the pledges. I told Paige I had to go and she looked pretty pissed off at my brother. He would be visiting for another week. He grilled me about what was going on with her. I told him nothing was going on. He really was attracted to he rand he wondered if she would go out with him? I told him how would I know ask her.
   My girlfriend and I were going to go to the Cool Jazz Festival at the football stadium. I failed to mention to her where we were going to go. I went to pick her up and she had on a dress I can't remember the name of but she looked like she would wear it to a spring catilion. We were meeting my brother there. Of course his date was Paige and he was all proud of himself that she had accepted. Rene, my date, sat down in our seats and suddenly realized that we were the minority of white people in the audience like three hundred of us to fifteen thousand of them. At first she was very nervous, she insisted I not tell her parents where we had gone. It started off with Maynard Ferguson the only man to be able to hit an E note on a trumpet. It was good but these two youngs guys played and played then Maynard walked up and hit the E note and they took back over. He was an old man. Al Jarreau came on and everyone was dancing. I was laughing and dancing without any rythym standing at my seat. Rene was getting into it too. she had been in the band and I beleive she had played clarinet. George Benson came out and we were really laughing hard and everyone was enjoying themself. Paige had waggled tosit next to me and kept hugging me and laughing along with grabbing my hand and wrenching my brothers hadn loose from hers. When the concert was over Paige tried to find every reason to tag along. It wouldn't work we were going to a party one of Rene's sororiety friends was having and it was all formal with invitations. This was 1978 and all and that's how they did it back then. Paige looked back as she walked off with my brother. She stopped him and said she remembered something she had to tell me about something to do with class on tuesday. She pulled me away form Rene, "I will be waiting for you to come over tonite, no time is too late. You'll come right?" My mind was in a vise, I say no and I get a D in literature possibly, I say yes and I am doing something I was afraid I wasn't ready for. I said,"I don't know how all this is going to work out with Rene's friends party. I'll call you." I walked off with Rene. I cared about Rene and it hurt me when we never really broke up and she started sneaking around with this other guy. We went up to her room to get something and on her bed stand was apicture of this other guy. I only felt hurt because I felt like I had lost. It was one of those I'm going to be really busy this quarter and you might not be hearing from me for a while. I don't think we ever talked again. That night after I took Rene home it was still early like 11:30. It was only a quick couple of kisses at the front door. She had loved the concert. I went home and blew Paige off, I didn't have her phone number and had never heard of a phone book, better yet we did not have one in our room. I got an A in her class and she dated my brother three or four times when she knew I would be there. Someone should have been standing there telling me it was alright to hook up with her. I wrote my final report on Sherwood Anderson and his influence on William Faulkner. She wrote me a letter of recomendation. As I became older, 21 to 23 years old, I had recuring thoughts of finding her. My brother never understood what she saw in me.  She corresponded with him while he was away for a long time. There was nothing between them but whe was the writing type.

Exposition of Blog

2004-07-15T18:42:00.001-07:00

I upgraded my blog mysteriously somehow today while I was playing with buttons. I suddenly have some new choices like font color ect. I know that I have a tendency to expatiate (write too much and speak too much). My really good salesman friend brought in some candy yesterday. He said, "the fondant in this candy is excellent isn't it?" I have no frame of reference for this word. My brain says admit it and ask him what fondate is. Instead, "yeah it is really sweet and gives the candy a really good tecture."   He left I whipped out my dictionary. I'm am going to bust him when he comes over my house when my wife is gone. He thinks Katherine the office manager is fantastic, pretty, nice and the perfect woman. I'll work her into the conversationa and say, " that Katherine is sure a shavetail isn't she?". Shavetail (an unbroken mule). I don't really buy that much from him but we get along and enjoy the same kind of goofy stupid stuff. He has been divorced along time with no kids and he spends alot of time eating and hanging out at my house. He has the combination to the garage door opener and he will come over and fold all the clothes on the pool table and shoot pool. At first Trixie thought he was a perv because he looked at her but did not talk to her much. It was all a case of he hated wifes in general due to some bad karma from his exwife. Trixie and him did not get off on the right foot so they are always luke warm. She won't leave him alone with the kids. It is not uncommon to come home and Trixie will be reading a book on the couch with Elise and he will be out on the porch cooking dinner on the grill. I know nothing is going on between them because he is now over his divorce and is dating all kinds of very young attractive women. I will not belabor the women. The irony is that he is envious of me and I am envious of him. I put is all up to living vicariously through each other. We have been described to be like high school girls when we are sitting around. He thinks that I match up with Meryl Streep like Albert Brooks in Defend Your Life. I have to add that to my favorites. His conclusion is that I am self deprecating to the point of making my self attractive to women that would otherwise not have noticed me.
The interesting thing that happened today is that without running an ad someone simply mysteriously showed up. It is one of Eugenia's friends, who is young, attractive and has a c cup size that might appeal to the 21 to 34 male. She is working at another place where she has gotten into a personality clash with the ofice manager. That looses no points with me. She tells me that she is openly lesbian and this other person could not handle it. She is wearing a cute long sleave pink cotton shirt with button down color and black pants and she is just cute. This is the kicker- she is african american. My dream come true. Not of any other dream than to finally hire a super minority that meets every thing I wanted. She asked me if I objected to lesbians?  I asked her if she had a sense of humor? After yes I told her we like the same things what could I have against her?  She laughed maybe because she wanted out of hell hole.  I told her I felt good about it but I had to think it over. I told her it is important that she knows we kid around here alot about sex and alot of things. She said that was o.k. She is so hired, but I want to check the current of the office. I have been wrong before guessing what would bother the women in the office. I started with Eugenia. Yes she knows she is gay. Do I have a problem with that? NO. Neither does Katherine.
Katherine does't care and doesn't see it as an issue. She insists that she mus tinterview her because I was probably only hiring her to get her opinion on which movie starlet she thought was hottest. I threw in that she would be great with the 21 to 34 male she was after. Katherine,"Not if she mentions her girlfriend Freida". Good point.
I didn't talk to the other two because they are sheep. They listen to every word Katherine says and Eugenia whispers her agreement. So much for the red head or getting something by Trixie. As usual if there were fifity girls lined up this would have been the one Trixie would have picked out. She is a very attractive woman but looks like she could never have any interest in me especially considering the lesbian thing.
Katherine said alot of nice things to me today that made me feel very uncomfortable. I felt that way because I like our kind of push around relationship. She told me that her sister loves me and wishes she could find a man like me. I think of my salesman buddy but he would spasm and have wife-one flash back convulsions and not be any good to anyone for possibly years.
I'm not sure if I have an email blogger girlfriend or we're just flirting? She said she could be my Indiana Bi_ _ _.   She's a cutie who writes well and is smart. I am going to talk a little Kafka and throw in my favorite Emily Dickenson poem. Excuse yourself if you blog out loud. See ya

This Blogs for you

2004-07-15T05:07:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that I am talking entirely too much about work and possibly women. I brought it to my attention myself. I was going ot make the wrong statement that all I dso is work. I played tackle football with my four year old last nite and he won. He was the Indianapolis Colts and I was the Cinti Bengals. He really roughed me up. I told him he should growl when he tackles me and he would hit harder. He said I hit really hard now I don't need to growl. He has a little lisp and I keep trying to get him to say into my palm pilot recorder "yesss Father Dearestss" like Sylvester the cat's son. He refuses. He's not amess around guy. He's a toehead blonde who is never to far away from smiling. He is an only child this week because my daughter Elise is with Grandma Binson alias little grandma as opposed to her other grandma who is big Grandma. That is how she distinquished them in the past. It has nothing to do with girth but height.
My oldest sister is coming to visit this weekend. She is a very easy person to be around. She is bringing my nieces and they are sweet and fun also. My niece Kristen will do Elises pedicure, nails and make up. My other neice will watch sports on T.V. with me. Most imortant of all is Kristen's boyfriend Joey. He is the drummer in a band called Fiendish and a sociology with a minor in computer science. The band plays very heavy metal with unintelligable lyrics. If Kristen doesn't end up marrying him I will. I hope he will help me add some vibe to my blog. I'm thinking you go to my blog and it plays a Fiendish song. Track 4 is suppossed to be full of expletives but I can't hear it. Joey is the drummer. I am going to impress him by asking him if he ever has read Frantz Kafka? Try Metamorhosis. I recently picked off my shelf a giant literature book from college. Kafka lived with his parents his entire life. He died young and like Emily Dickenson his brother discovered his writings. Like Emily his instructions were to burn the writings. His brother had them published and now a guy in the midwest is reading something he wrote 7o years ago. This is similar to John Kennedy Toole who won the purlitzer prize after his suicide. His mother was taking a literature class and asked the haughty big shot Professor to read the book. He loved it it was printed and theres another person that didn't know people would love what he wrote.
It is a special day- for lunch I am going to eat several tomatoe cheese and mayonaise sandwiches on regular twelve grain 70 calories a slice bread. My favorite sales rep is coming in today and I will be leaving early to play golf with him. He's my kind of person because we talk form the start to end and laugh constantly. He and I do alot of things together. I am working up the courage to break the news about the fishing pond. He caought a four pound bass there. We had to discuss our viewpoints on whethe one should keep fish or release them back. I won because I am the customer. He put the fish back and now it is floating dead on the pond. He may cry I will have tissues.

Bloghaustion

2004-07-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

I was so busy today I could not do my lunch blog. I came in early to do paperwork...I put on my Jackson Browne greatest hit cd. It was exceedingly pleasurable until it changed suddenly to a David Sanbourne cd I have banned from the office. I came out of my cubby hole office only to discover that no one would own up to changing the cd. They all looked over their shoulders and giggled. Then they started talking about changing the name of the business to Clean/Drill. They have a routine comparing our office to Nip/Tuck. Only they think we should replace me with the two hunks on the show. I ask them if they noticed that only young nubile women worked in that office. I told them they could all come work for me at my new office when Christian fired them all. They seem to think they are young and nubile. What they don't know is Trixie hand picked them because they are not my type. That is why they agravate me so much. I told them if we could show a little more cleavage around here we could attract more 21 to 34 males in here. They all blushed and hooted. Our office manager is always pumping numbers and she points out to me that we are missing the 21 to 34 male patients for some reason. Trixie must have picked people that they aren't attracted to either. I went to touch the cd and they growled at me and gave me a dirty look like they would bust me if I touched it.
I worked like a dog to fit in some people. It is Wednesday and here that means Ralley's has fourty nine cent hamburgers and hotdogs. It is pretty well understood that I always eat Ralley's on Wednesday. Eunicia volunteered and knows my exact order by heart. She comes back with one hamburger and one hotdog no fries. She has brought in cut up tomatoes and cucumbers from her garden. "I figured you would rather have this instead of fries". That is baloney. I would accept no cheese on the burgers but not delete the fries.
It would have ruined my day but one of the girls is going back to school and told me she would be leaving. She wants to be a Licensed practical nurse. I asked why not an R.N. "That would be too hard". It made me happy because Trixie will be out of town next week and I will hire a nice Libra girl to take Trixie's flunkies place. It will take her while to catch on to what I have done. She is disinterested in my blogging so she won't catch it here. I'm a little mad at Trixie right now so I'm looking for a red head. It can be male or female but the only people who apply are women. I will agitate Katherine the office manager by telling her the wrong pay scale. It is normally $16.50 to start I'll make it $16.75. I'm going to come up with a new sign off like- Blogging out or This blogs for you. I'll work on it.

Toni Collette

2004-07-13T17:23:00.000-07:00

I have been obsessing lately over women. It is most likely that I am a Libra and need alot of affection. I also like to flirt for the sake of flirting. I have contained my lust for women I can never hope to meet or get into trouble with. I think Toni Collette is the babe of all babes. She can be about any type of woman she wants on the screen and pull it off. I feel the same way about Annette Benning. My line up would be Toni Collette,Elisebeth Shue, Annette Benning, Theron,the new jersey carpenter from Rally Round the House,Meryl Streep,Rene Zellwegger a young Katherine Hepburn on the stepford wife drink, Elizabeth Hurley. Toni Collette would be my first choice. The reality problem is that these are the same bad girls we discussed before. Smart take no baloney kind of girls who would keep me in line. I really probably want a dominatrix. I can see Annette in those tight thigh high black boots. "What's my name boy..What's my name, I can't hear you" smack..smack..Thank you Mistress Annette. First whip I'd be out of there. Nicole Kidman would be on the list but she is too high maintenance appearing.Elisebeth Shue,Rene Zellwegger would be .0000001 points behind Toni. She rips me up when she cried in Jerry McGuire.Elisebeth Shue was hot in Karate Kid and is a Libra- I may have to rethink first place. O.K. you won't beleive this, but my wife Trixie is a composite of all these women anyway. I find that I am usually attracted to gawk at women who after I stop to think are tall or blonde or have freckles and look alot or have some similar feature as my wife. Of course the reality is that my wife is real and stuck with me while I am the only one doing the gawking. Of course unless it is Katherine's sister Lynne who sent me a personally, written with a smiley face with hearts over all the i's- It's time for your annual eye exam card.

Blog ..blog...blog

2004-07-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

"He who says nothing offends no one" or "He who says nothing is never hassled but is bored all of the time". Those are two ancient sayings I have just come up with. As I grow older I find myself saying less and less to people. What I think is funny is an insult to someone else. I say Bush is an incapable worthless little brained self centered silver spooned baby every one gets riled up. Trixie thinks that I am right but I should let things go and not say anything because people are so polarized(I told you she was smart)I couldn't change their minds anyway.
I am getting ready to eat lunch. Grilled cheese and ham sandwich which I made myself, pickled okras, a crumby bag of baked healthy ungreased potato chips, diet coke. I have loved okra from childhood in my chicken gumbo soup. There is no meat in chicken gumbo but the okra seeds taste like meat. I am growing some in my little garden and they look as if they might produce some edible okra. My cucumbers are looking very good also.
My sister is coming into town this weekend and is planning on doing her own version of trading places without us having to trade places. Her, Trixie and my nieces are going to paint the dining room. I am excited. Trixie and I do not have any home decor taste. We have energy but lack any eye and are too cheap to really do anything that makes a statement. I like doing projects I laid a Pergo floor over a very large square footage of living room, dining room and the hallway leading back to the kids room.
I like my sister and she will bring a comedy movie and we will laugh very hard and repeat every funny line we remember from allure favorite comedies. King Pin, Major Pain, Blazing Saddles, Animal House, ect. My most recent favorite film is Lost in Translation. I will go no further than that I understand the theme of the movie. "He who stops writing saves self from wrath of wife who seems to never be jealous anyway but might suddenly become jealous just like she suddenly likes spicey foods she never liked". I love blogging!!!

Freebies are good

2004-07-12T17:13:00.000-07:00

I was driving home when I was pulled over by a police car. I was tired and still unhappy over the death of my fishing pond. I rolled down my window and was asked the standard question, " Do you know why I pulled you over?" "I guess I was speeding." "How fast do you think you were going?", He asked. My internal voice said I was listening and singing a Dianna Ross song at the top of my lungs and not paying much attention. She and I should do a duet. I said 47 m.p.h? He says, "I'm pulling you over because your tail light is out and do you know who I am?" I looked closer and it was one of my patients. "I bet you don't know my name?" I told him his name without a thought. "I'll let you go this time." and he laughed. I told him to be careful and have a good day. I drove off. I knew his name because he had a name tag on. I knew him but I am atrocious with names. It made him happy. Even a policeman knows not to cross a dentist.
My family will be out of town visiting friends next week. It will mean all my friends that my wife doesn't like can come over. I will play golf two days next week and eat out at Forbidden City. It is forbidden because it is all you can eat oriental. I say oriental because they have it all- kim che, fried chicken feet, calamari, everything. The problem is that I will really just sit around and feel everything is way too quiet. I will jump in the pool and float around and feel bored with no one to throw over my head or to score my belly buster dive. I will most likely get my fishing rod sit in a chair and cast into a raft drinking all the diet cokes I want. Then I will lay around unable to get to sleep. Last time my wife went out of town Katherine the office manager asked me if I wanted to go shooting with her siter. Her sister is 53 and still not married. She is one of the people who looks like a good looking 36 year old. She belongs to a gun club with a big elaborate range. I like to shoot guns at targets. I met her there and the whole thing felt funny from the start. She put the ear thingys on me from the front and I sensed some intentional rubbing against me. She brought the coolest Japanese world war two officers pistol. It's the same pistol my neighbors Japanese GI joe had when we were growing up. I cracked off two magazines and she made over my accuracy. My brother has a Eagle 44 magnum pistol that he let me borrow and I whipped it out. It is the biggest pistol I could imagine. Her eyes became incredibly big. I gave it to her and she was gigily excited. It blasted away and she had a giant smile. I did not shoot it after hearing it. It was way too loud. I had a 22 rifle when I was a kid and spent a long time shooting cans. I don't need the power. She had a western style six shooter that I shot a box of ammo out of. She kept touching me on the shoulder and looking directly in my eyes. I can't figure out why she isn't married. She is really attractive and I did not detect any personality irregularities. She had nice teeth and it was all nice. She liked guns which is a plus on the list for me. Shes an optometrist whose never been married. She is not a lesbian either because her sister tells me every once and a while that Lynne has broken up with so and so the so and so. She wants me to stop by her office and see this new retinal scanner camera she just bought. I stopped by and it was incredible- you can see the retina and all the arteries. She leaned all over me while I was looking into the monitor and pointed out things with her face five inches from mine. I shot out the protection cold water line, "Trixie needs new glasses and an eye exam. I'm going to send her over." It worked she backed up and I said thanks I have to get going. She shook my hand and told me to stop by anytime. She took pictures of both of my eyes and told me I have good eyes. The neat thing about this camera is that you don't need your eyes dialated. I went home and took a cold shower, took five minutes to imagine Lynne naked and called Trixie. Trixie did not think I was being hit on and that Katherine and her sister did not have any alterior motives. They know I like to do that shooting stuff and it was a way to treat me. Two weeks later I was sitting in my office after everyone was gone doing paperwork and Lynne stopped by. She wanted me to look at one of her teeth that she thought was chipped. I took her into the exam room and she had a chipped toothe. We went through what she could do about it. She thanked me for seeing her witho9ut an appointment. She gave me more than a friendly hug. I did not charge her because she did the eye thing free. Trixie beleives me now and had a talk with Katherine who is her kindred spirit. I did not get to hear any of it. Lynne called me to see if I wanted to go with her to shoot some new gun but I told her I had soccer practice with Elise. I beleive you can love more than one person. I still love my girlfriend I dated before Trixie. It was a timing thing. I do know thoght that Trixie is still better than them all. She is smart good looking and can be a wild ass. It's the freckles I am a freckles kind of guy. She also has a really great laugh and thousands of friend. So some freebies aren't good.

Midlife Blog Crisis

2004-07-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

I am happy to be back to work today the girls in the office are tired and leaving me alone for the most part. I told them all the fish died in my favorite pond and they just looked at me like "So". In their minds they were thinking hopefully you went home and cut the grass, swam with the kids and brought everyone lunch at the pool, then gave Trixie a foot massage.
So I'm getting ready for lunch and I am finally reading the Sunday paper. In the outdoor recreation page I see the woman of my dreams. 49 years old, blond hair, bending down to the pond with a hot dog in her teeth to feed her two five pound pet bass Thump and Peaches. Then I see she's married. I am not really looking for a replacement for my wife. I do have fantasies of the stepford wife drug secretly being poured into her diet coke. I have to see that movie and research it more closely. Trixie hates seafood and she tolerates my 75 gallon fish aquarium. Tonight I am going to see if I can get any of them to grab a hot dog out of my mouth. I would try a night crawler but my kids would fink me out to my wife and she would not kiss me for a month. She does not like worms either.
My next blog must be a political one. I am addicted to strong take charge girls and I have a thing for Hillary. I would have married her and would have probably been writing the same blog today: "Hillary told me to get the house clean she's having Senator McCain (I like him,he would never be seen with Hillary) and his wife over. She wants it clear no more wonderbread finger sandwiches, everyone wants the wraps I made for the picnic". It wouldn't change a thing in my life. I am visualizing a fantasy so I better change my train of thought. Trixie is quitting smoking and it is not a good time to ask for any giving her a back massage and a head rub that leads tome needing a cigarette.
I am having grapes, a tuna salad sandwich, celery sticks and Caroline's leftover potato salad from her son's graduation party.(I somehow wasn't invited but I sent him a card with a present.) She's the office manager that I stress out too much by my lack of business acumen. I understand all of it for the most part but I play this game to make her feel needed. I'm that kind of guy.

Pour blog in your bathwater and say take me away...

2004-07-11T21:33:00.000-07:00

I was hoping to veg for the weekend and limit my interactions with living breathing human beings. It did not come anywhere close to that type of reality. I woke up at six o'clock Saturday morning to go fishing all by myself. That may be similar to the problems associated with drinking alone. You are a fishaholic if you go alone or you have no friends to fish with. I sneak out without waking my wife or the kids. I have my entire fishing strategy mapped out from giving it great thought while pretending to work hard all week. Eunicia the receptionist talked to me at lunch and the entire time I was planning my fishing strategy in my mind.
I pull up to my number one fishing pond, no one there, frogs still going on, my rod is ready with my texas rigged gulp 7 inch turtle worm watermelom with a scent I can't explain.(fish love it) As I approach the pond an incredible stench hits my nose. I walk to the shore and there are fifty dead and bloated fish floating on the surface. I have seen this before-no it is not polution but an oxygenation problem in the water brought on by an inverse chemical reaction due to a sudden increase in the water level. It is an abomination to my mental condition and only serves to increase my mental stress pressure which is in high stress pressure at the moment. This is a bust- I walk back to my car, my strategy did not include this event. I have no plan for an alternate site. I drive home and everyone is still asleep. I'm angry and nothing can replace the time I have allocated for fishing therapy. My wife wakes up and asks, "what are you doing here I thought you were going fishing?" I tell her the short story. She has no pity no "honey I'm sorry your day is ruined" just well why don't you cut the grass and empty the diswasher. I do these things. Than my wife forces me to go swimming with my 7 year old daughter and my four year old son and my 8 year old niece and the incredibly voluptous and beatiful 13 year old girl from next door who looks 29 years old. I ignore her completely. She does not exist for me. I won't even describe her. She laughs at all my jokes and looks me directly in the eyes and seems to pay attention to everything I say. I have tried being as mean as I can be to make her go away. She just laughs and thinks I am pulling her leg. This makes the swimming too much stressssss. My four year old wants on my neck and when he get's there he pulls out as many of my chest hairs as he can. My daughter beleives I can keep my head submerged for ten minutes because I told her we would play that I was her dolphin. In her world girls ride on dolphins backs and keep their heads forced down into the water.
I get out an my wife who is reading a book asks me what I want for lunch. I say I would really like a tomatoe mayonaise and cheese sandwich. She says, "Well why don't you make us two Toni's pizzas and make one the cheese one because Toula the 13 year old doesn't eat meat." I walk in to make the food. Toula presses her breasts in a scanty bikini against the glass in the door and asks me if I could get her a towel she forgot to bring one. I am mad at those fish for dying.
I need Monday morning and back to work so I can plan fishing strategy for next week. There is no one at work to exasterbate my mid life crisis. They all treat me like my wife. Monday night is golf league night and I will be able to bask in the peace of no pagers, cell phones, kids, wife or other distractions.

I'm in BLOG HEAVEN!!!!!

2004-07-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

I have been in an especially bad mood the last few days. I am blaming it on the three day weekend and lousy sleep while being a good father sleeping out all weekend in a tent. It was frustrating seeing everyone else go immediately to sleep while I tried every trick to get to sleep. We did have lots of fun jet skiing and boating.
I am in blog heaven because it is Friday. The girls at work have been testy. Its been a nit picky week of "who turned the air conditioning up two degrees in the office?" I just look away and whistle. I handed a patient the mouth rinsing straw and they preceded to soak my pants right in the crouch. Not black pants but Khaki. No sympathy to be found, just people running to get the digital camera for pictures. I told them if I saw a picture of this they would all be fired. They laughed for the first time this week. I put on a plastic gown to cover it up and it was like ten degrees hotter. So it is Friday.
My wife has told everyone about my blog site and my brtother seems upset that I related his story. I forgot to mention he is a hero with two bronze- silver or some sort of star. He is a very good guy and I have never witnessed any temper or meaness from him towards another human being. He is not a big guy and probably most guys would think they could beat him up in a fight. I lied a second ago. I remember when he was home once, he went with me to hang out with some of my friends. We were just standing on the corner in the podunk town we grew up in. There was always tension between the football players and the cross country team at my high school. I was a freshmen in college at the time. One of the kids on the cross country team's dad had passed away and he had inherited a new Transam. He pulled up to the corner where we were all standing and talking. This guy Danny standing with us screamed a profanity to the guy in the Transam. The transam cross country guy said some expletive back. Danny ran up and kicked a giant dent into the back quarter panel of the car. The driver got out and got into Danny's face and Danny punched him straight in the nose. Double nose bleed gusher- it hurt me to see it. It was unfortunate but it was a man to man thing. The cross country guys date got out of the car and got into Danny's face and was cussing him out when Danny slapped her hard across the face. This is something my chivalrous nature could not take and I snapped. I ran ten feet and started punching Danny out. My buddies pulled us apart when one of Danny's really big buddies took a swing at me and fortunately missed. My brother took one step, grabbed his wrist and twisted it back hard. With his other hand on the guys throat he lowered him to the ground slowly the guys eyes were bulging out of his head. He punched the guy right in his zyfoid process or sternum one time and this big guy crumbled and took a big wind knocked out of you breath. While I had been throwing punches Danny had about ripped my hair out of there roots. I was in a psychotic anger because after my buddies pulled me off the first time I told them I was ok and they let go. I ran over grabbed Danny again and threw him on the ground and was banging his head on the concrete only to be stopped again. The ironic points are that I always like Danny we were and are friends. The girl never thanked me for what I did. The cross country runner treats me like I am his best friend in the world and went to the same college as me and would have given me his last bit of food or driven fifty miles to get me anything. It was the only fight I have ever been in. My brother pulled me off and calmly told me to stop. He picked up the guy he had punched and brushed him off. The guy was stooped over and my brother whispered something in his ear like leave this right here because I only did this to you to protect my brother. The guy could still not speak but he shook his head in agreement. My brother told me I was stupid and he thought I was supposed to be the nice brother.
Ok it's Friday and lunch is over- big homemade salad with chunky blue cheese dressing a apple half of Eugenie's leftover Big Mac. To irritate our office manager I drank one of her Diet Pepsi and put fourty nine cents of change in the petty cash box. One of the rules is no change in the petty cash box. We all laughed since she is not here today and will probably have a cow on Monday. It is good for morale because we will all laugh while she is seizing on Monday.
Last comment- 79 year old guy had a tooth removed. He asks me for the tooth. I asked him why he wanted it. Straight face he wants to put it under his pillow for the Tooth Fairy- I laughed he didn't. I put it in an little plastic specimen bag and he took it without a word. He is the only person who has left with a tooth after it was removed. I usually give the kids a dollar out of petty cash, without writing it on the ledger sheet, and tell them I will turn it over to the Tooth Fairy- this saves her from making too many stops at night. If you see a 79 yo walking around with a tooth at the end of a chain you'll know the story.

Blograge

2004-07-08T15:37:00.000-07:00

I am suffering from blog rage. I wrote an incredible blog, was pumped to publish it, hit the button and it disintegrated into oblivion. The blog I wrote made me feel better today. I am kind of ground down stress funked from too much reflected bad mood from the people around me. My wife is mad at her mother for not spending the night at our house. She is looking for an excuse to smoke a cigarette, someone put a post it note in the petty cash box(me)and our office manager shot some bad mood on me because her life is not exactly smooth. My name has changed to sir. I would rather be hey you, but of course I would complain about hey you. I cannot remnember anyone's name but I at least look them in the eyes and say ,How you doing? ect. I don't neeed to call them mam or sir. Maybe it's just the beginning of a mid life thing? I should start looking for a red convertible and fire our sixty year old mustached receptionist and replace her with a nubile young shirt skirt wearing doll. Everyone would be pissed because Eugenie has smoozed them by giving them candy and remembering all their kids and grand kids names. She gave them all her best recipes and when they are pissed at me she agrees and makes them like me again. She also sounds very sultry and professional on the phone. She is the type you can't wait to get into to see only to discover she is only a nice person. I could not replace anyone in the office because they would call my wife and she would shoot more bad mood at me. I am cornered. I need male sufferage. I need Dr. Phil to toughen me up. He would get me all fired up and than after meeting my wife Trixie and talking to her five minutes he would turn around and chew me out most likely. "This woman is God's dream of a wife and you are telling me she can be nasty? Could you be more of a fool? Do you wet thed bed? Get into this world."
My problem is similar to that of many women, I am attracted to the smart take no baloney I'm in charge women. Thsi type of woman is the equivalent of a bad ass male biker type. I run to them like a bug to a bug zapper.
My lost blog has come back to me. I was wondering what ot eat for lunch. I am sick of salads, but since I am fat I cannot eat my normal two Jr Bacon cheeseburgers, biggie firies and sensible medium diet coke.(my wife is after me to get into shape). Then i am interupted about the post it note in the petty cash box- kinda of nastily. She shot some bad mood my way to releive her own bad mood on me. I did not say anything because I was technically wrong. Woman by the way know nothing about being technically wrong. They see the world black or white, right or wrong. They will forget nothing for twenty years- or they will only forget their transgressions. Trixie will still get mad when a story is told about something she did not like twenty years ago.
My blograge is dissapated and I will grit my teeth and this too shall pass.

Vietnam story

2004-07-07T20:56:00.000-07:00

My brother was over testosterone as a youngster and always dreamt of being Autie Murphy or gung ho warrior. While it seemed everyone else was avoiding the draft he marked x's on the calendar for the day he would be old enough to join the marines. His entire being focused on being a marine in combat. It was an errant gene because my dad had only become a navy man to avoid being drafted in the army during the Korean war. They would have frustrating talks behind closed doors as my father tried to convince him it would be something he would regret. Grandpa would tell him he was stupid crazy. He told them both he would never complain whether it was a right or wrong decision. It was a gene that only surgery in the 22nd century could remove.
He ran to enlist on his birthday and because of his good grades could have done anything without them ever considering him as combat fodder. Oh no that was no good for him- he would be right up front pushing back. My brother came back from basic training in a really good looking uniform and looking a little more tough. He had been reading a book on how each soldier had received the Medal of Honor during world war two. I was nine years old and he would punch me in the arm and tell me he was going to come home with real medals and some day h e would be a general. The age difference between us made it hard for me to understand much of what was really going on. He left in the summer of 69 and my parents watched the news everyday to see if he might be on CBS. His letters were sparse for details but he was a corporal after a short time. He sent home a picture of himself straddling a big cannonlike a rodeo rider hat in hand. He had run into our cousin Bobby Cash over there and he was attached to the artillery. He was there because he was not smart enough to know how to get out of it.
My brother came home for a shortleave after his first year long tour. He did not talk much but I would not say he was unhappy. He talked alot behind closed doors with my father. I asked him stupid insensitive nine year old questions- did you kill anyone? Do the viet cong run right at you in a hoard? He looked at me and told me kindly to shut up. He had added ribbons to his chest and he thought he might be promoted to sergeant something class. I was impressed. We camped out in the back yard and he was very proficient at the hole thing. He showed me how to throw this Australian knife with brass knuckles over the knife handle. It was a big knife and pretty cool.
He left for his second tour and his letters came back regular stating we are really making progress the communists can't win..ect. Than word came that he was injured. I'm thinking he's paralyzed, limbless or some other terrible thing. After two weeks of vague communication we learned that his right thumb had been cut off. They used the word cut not shot. By the time he came home it was healed and just a stump. His uniform had more stripes and ribbons- he looked relatively happy. I was going to get to the bottom of things. In our shared bedroom laying in the twin bed next to his I asked him the big question- did you see any babies and kids being killed? He came over to my bed and put his left hand to my throat and started choking me. It was a very serious choking too. "How about I kill a baby here,would that satisfy you? He let go and I breathed. He put his face right up to mine,"I'm a marine we only kill the bad guys!" It sounds cliche now but it was sinister sounding back then.
A missing thumb must not get you off the line. He would not give any details as to how he lost the finger.
My brother ended up becoming a major and retired from the marines. Sunday we were discussing our family and things. He has never been anything but quietly reserved and unemotional his entire life. We were alone and for some reason 32 years later he was ready to tell me everything. He started off by telling me he had always felt awkward because he had always like being at war. He liked and missed everything about it. He recounted a story of how during the Tet offensive his platoon was trying to bring down a Viet Cong flag flying in a town square in Saigon. It was utter pandemonium and his squad was up against a cinder block wall in someones front yard. His corporal was in charge and he had told everyone the only way to get that flag down was to charge them and they could not kill all of us before we could get that flag down. He was going to count to three and they should go. The corporal counted to three and he jumped up and ran to the flag and was cut down with only two steps out the gate. My brother said the other eight guys had not moved. Tha t was the day my brother became corporal. He said they all just looked at each other without a word each knowing what had happened. I went to ask a question and he stopped me. It was as if this was his moment to purge. He went on. One night we were over run. Everything was going crazy and everyone was fighting hand to hand back to back. He had pulled out his austalian knife with brass knuckles. A North Vietnam regualr soldier was on top of my brother looking down at him with a long bayonet in his hand. My brother put his hand up to protect him self and push the guy off him. The bayonet slipped off to the side and as he looked into the North Vietmanese guys eyes he slowly cut off my brothers thumb. My brother bit off a chunk off his attackers forearm shirt and all. the apin put my brother into sub human strength and he slammed the enemy to the ground and beat his head in with the brass knuckles on the knife. He took out a grenade and tossed it into a group of thirty guys american and north vietmanese. they lept into the air and he proceeded in shockedpain induced rage to kill as many enemy as he could. He estimated that he had shot off a thousand rounds until the enemy retreated. The grenade he had thrown had killed three of his close friends. He explained once they (north vietmanese) see you do something like that they know its time for them to retreat.
As he went on I realised this was his moment to expunge all his demons. He talked in a trance for thirty five minutes. He stood up patted me on the shoulder and told me he had to get the kids home. He casually smiled and waved good bye to everyone and hugged my kids. He kissed my mom and dad then drove off. I sat there wondering what had I really just heard? That's how I spent my 4th of July.

My meeting with Dick Cheney

2004-07-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

My father is a flaming born again Christian. He thinks that G.H.W.Bush Jr is the greatest leader of the 21st century and I still love him. He is also very wealthy and has donated alot of money to the Rupublican party..blah... He somehow wrangled getting tickets to a sit down dinner with Dick Cheney when he was in Cincinnati for a fund raiser. He has been trying to politically and religiously convert me for twenty eight years. He was a democrat for two or three years after Watergate and unlike him Tricky Dick ruined being a young republican for me. He invited me to use one of his coveted tickets for dinner with Dick.
My feeling was that my father was thrown off when I immediately accepted his invitation. He was also disappointed because he had worked out an entire pitch to get me to go and wasn't going to get to use it. I had to agree not to heckle, boo or make any unplowed comments or jester during the entire night and absolutely was I not to tell anyone I had ever voted or had anything to do with those people (Democrats).
I did not realize how much my father had donated to the Bush campaign. Not only did we get to eat dinner but we were invited to an intimate cocktail party prior to the big dinner. There were thirty other people there to glad hand Dick. I felt sick right form the start with the small talk I was hearing around me as we waited to meet W's right hand man. "wah..wah..wah..Saddam was just minutes away from killing us all. Thank God you saved us, you are my hero. Without your leadership we would have Arabs doing terrorist acts all over this country..wah..wah..wah.. I have a headache and nausea. My father had brought his minister who is a really nice guy. He is ironically from Texas and knows a guy who knows a guy who use to hang out with Jr. when he was a hell raiser. "they'd drink and chase women, but then he got saved..wah..wah..wah.. My dad was shaking with excitement and tense when he got to shake Dick's hand. He couldn't come up with a good opener.."Its a big,big pleasure meeting you Mr. Vice President." Dick was sharp,"You're a Navy man,huh?" My dad looked down at his naval academy graduation ring,with a big smile, "Yes sir class of 54 and proud of it". Dick was sharp again, "Lot of good people came out around that time." I was so busy taking all this in I forgot he was going to glad hand me too. My initail expectation was that his hand was going to be clammy cold and sweaty form all that heart trouble he has. They must have infused him that day because it was only sweaty. My dad made a counter move to control me by introducing me as his son Dr. Binson (dentist). That was his preplan because no self respecting doctor would be a
Democrat. He shook my hand,"wonderful to meet you". Moved on. My dad's preacher mentioned his Texas roots blah blah blah. Dick shook his head in agreement,"You keep up the good works Pastor and remind em whose on God's side."
It was shit and I hated every minute of it and it once again confirmed why I am a Democrat. Here's a guy who publicly told a Senator taunting him to F.. off and thinks he's on God's side. Here's a guy who never served in the military but somehow thinks he's part of the club. Somehow my dad is deluded into believing that Dick is part of the military club. He is only good at using the military and getting people killed for no good reason. The chicken was good and the silver ware and atmosphere was good for five thousand a plate. But Dick only wears a smile while he is facing the crowd otherwise he has a little frown on his face. See how nice I have been...no profanity, no nasty comments, I was good.

Unremorsefully coping with existence

2004-07-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

It came to me in a dream that my first posting should have a title that sounded as if I was going to pass on something very profound based on very deep thought or even a couple deep thoughts. I am neither a cynic nor totally pro pollyanna (everything has a silver lining like punching a stud covered by drywall with my hand and breaking my hand and needing surgery). The silver lining is that it still hurts and it is an embarassing story my wife Trixie enjoys telling to strangers in my presence. Hey, that sounded cynical. I have an interesting mixture of being a cynical rose colored glass dry sense of humor kind of person. I usually use the rose colored glass pollyanna thinking to unremorsefully cope with existence. I did not ask to be a human some great force of a God patted me on the butt and sent me into the game when I was completely contented on the sideline. On the sideline there is plenty of water a bench to sit on and no one watching your every move.(although in my current existence I do not beleive any one knows who I am or watches me do anything but cross the street so they can move). That sounded cynical. My great intellect tells me that if I beleive their is a God I cannot really be too cynical.
My world was thrown into shock today when I heard an interview with Rodney Dangerfield on NPR. He did the interview as his real self and it was a bit weird. He speaks very fluently and did not sound like himself. His real name is Jim Roy or something like that. He started out as a comic when he was very young and retired for twelve years to sell alluminum siding. He said the only problem was that no one noticed that he retired. All that Rodney Dangerfield stuff is not real. Life as I see it is a big lie. That sounds cynical too-but I am not cynical. I run into trouble because I beleive everything I read, see on T.V. or what people tell me. I need to write myself a note to take everything with a grain of salt.I will save more profound thoughts for later as I unremorsefully cope with my existence.